V's Take

Dear V: Do I give up too much on the first date?

Dear V,

I’ve never seen the problem with having sex on a first date. Surely in these post-feminist days women can follow their own honest desires. But my best friend says that’s why I can’t make a relationship last. Do you think there’s any real benefit in playing by ‘the rules’ and holding off?

Sincerely,

Too Fast?

Dear Too Fast,

This is one of those never ending questions: What time is the right time to give it up?  This is a personal matter for every woman and ultimately you’ll have to decide for yourself, but in the meantime I do have a few tips.  While many men are actually interested in a loving relationship, the real challenge is turning a man who wants just sex into a man who wants love. If you’re dealing with a dude who might just want the nookie, sleeping with him on the first date will leave him with all he wanted and you alone again the next night.  Guys who only want to get you in bed tend to leave as soon as they succeed and then move on to the next piece of ass they can find. If you think a guy could be more than a hookup and want to find out, you probably shouldn’t do the deed after your first dinner out. Guys like women who respect themselves; if you give it up too easily, he could take you for a one-night stand, but if you make him a wait a bit he’ll get to know you better and might find he wants more.

While your speediness in the bedroom could be causing some problems, it’s hard to say if this is what’s causing your failed relationships.  Tons of women have sex on the first date and go on to have successful love lives, so don’t abandon your view altogether. Try to get a feel for the guy first and think about where you want things going.  If he seems like a respectable man, you don’t want to come off too slutty and scare him away.  And if he’s only in it for the sexytime but you want more, try holding off to see if he’s willing to stick with it.

Best advice: Try waiting and see if your relationships improve. If not, keep on having fun.

Good Luck!
V.

January 27, 2010

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

Former NFL and University of Miami star Kellen Winslow Jr. was arrested Thursday for numerous allege ...

Trevor Darling's perseverance paid off. After not being selected in the NFL Draft, the former U ...

Father's Day has never been a big holiday in the Larranaga household because basketball always ...

The start to former Miami Hurricanes defensive end Chad Thomas' NFL career is going through a m ...

At one section of Miami's Richmond Park, Hurricanes offensive line coach Stacy Searels taught a ...

Teachers tackle challenging questions at the Holocaust Studies Summer Institute. ...

A University of Miami lecturer explores the role of the front porch in black communities. ...

In the aftermath of Hurricane Maria, two public health sciences students traveled to Puerto Rico to ...

Colder Atlantic temperatures could change hurricane season forecasts, but the trend isn't expec ...

UM neurorehabilitation expert David S. Kushner, M.D., who helps modern patients recover from brain s ...

An outstanding showing at the USATF Championships earned Symone Mason a trip to the World U20 Champi ...

UM alum returns to lead Canes' MBB strength and conditioning efforts. ...

Amy Deem was recognized for the third time as the ACC Women's Outdoor Track and Field Coach of ...

During the 2017-18 school year, Miami had student-athletes from 17 of the 32 countries in the FIFA W ...

The University of Miami track and field program got off to a strong start at the 2018 USATF Junior O ...

TMH Twitter
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.