Dear V

Dear V: My girlfriend wants some puppy love…

Dear V,

I’ve been seeing this girl for just a couple of months now, and have had a lot of trouble giving her orgasms. After taking the time to figure out what she likes best, I finally crossed the threshold and gave her one. Afterward, I was feeling pretty good (and so was she), until she patted my head and said “Good boy!” This may have meant nothing, but it really did freak me out. Now she won’t stop begging me for more, but I’m hesitant to be treated like a dog again. I still want to be with her and I do want to keep her happy, but how do I get past this?

Sincerely,

Bingo

Dear Bingo,

How ironic! You think your girlfriend is treating you like a dog, but you were the one giving her the bone. Plus, you seem to have taught her how to beg—how cute!

You are lucky to have come across a girl who isn’t faking orgasms. Believe it or not, resisting the urge to bluff in bed paves the way for better sex in the future. Now, you know what she likes. The only problem is that you’re having mixed feelings about the consequences.

Before you go jumping fences away from this girl, make sure that the incident was isolated. Rock her world again, and then see what happens. If she wants to cuddle or go again, perhaps you can get past her previous (and unintentional) faux pas. If she offers you a treat, it’s time to look into this a little further.

Unfortunately, since you’ve already proven your worth to her, sexually, there is no turning back. If you continue to hold off on the physical affection and mind-blowing sex, she will start asking questions.

There is always the direct approach, but this could be as awkward as outdoor defecation. Whether or not you are comfortable enough simply telling her, “I don’t like it when you talk to me like a dog,” is something that I will leave to your discretion.

You could try calling her on her behavior by joking about it. The next time she treats you like the furry companion that you aren’t, laugh and say, “What? I’m your dog now?” Consider playfully sniffing or licking her face to emphasize your point.

If your awkward mistress still doesn’t understand, she should become a charming anecdote to discuss with future girlfriends.

Best of luck!

V

Good luck on all of your finals…  Don’t forget to de-stress!

December 2, 2009

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


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