The Occasional Bitch takes on Twilight

The Occasional Bitch
…because occasionally the bitch has something to say.Culture. Opinion. Fashion. Travel.
New Moon movie posters // Flickr.com

New Moon movie posters // Flickr.com


As the lights dimmed, the room hummed with anticipation and excitement. The crowd psyched itself up for the enthralling show to come, and suddenly the room went wild. No, this isn’t a scene from a Jay-Z concert… it’s a showing of New Moon, the latest flick from the Twilight powerhouse.

Let me set the scene for you:

Mothers in their forties fought over front row seats in the packed movie theater, sporting t-shirts with “Team Edward” sprawled across the front in black sharpie. Teens and tweens adorned themselves in every piece of New Moon merchandise available in the Miami area. Young girls flocked together, excitedly running up and down the aisles. Groups of guys huddled together outside the theater entrance, somehow trying to save face since they were clearly there on their own accord.

And then there was me, your favorite Occasional Bitch, hiding a smirk and silently taking in the comedy of the situation. The Twilight freaks were out in full form, and were definitely putting their Harry Potter counterparts to shame.

I admit it, I was curious to see this film. After laughing my way through Twilight, I was ready for another comical movie filled with Edward’s creepy, silent stares and Bella’s awkward glances. However, I was pleasantly surprised with New Moon. The acting had significantly improved since the last movie and for once there was a plot.

More entertaining than the actual film, the dedicated crowd of movie-goers stole the show. As the screen first filled with a giant full moon, the crowd’s excited screams set the tone for the rest of the showing. Each time Edward or Jacob appeared on screen, they shrieked with new abandon. I was blown away, and also slightly scared, by the intensity of these fans.

But the icing on the cake came later into the movie, when Jacob started running around shirtless. The first time he pulled off his t-shirt in the movie, at least ten to fifteen camera flashes went off throughout the theater. This was repeated each time a character was shirtless, which was often. I kid you not; the Twilight-ers were taking pictures of the movie screen. Now I can appreciate the beauty of a ripped body as much as any girl, but taking a photograph in the middle of a movie is just weird and obsessive.

Around the same time, a baby started crying in the back of the theater. The Twilight-ers were having none of this; half the theater directed “shhh’s” in the direction of the movie code violator. When the baby understandably continued to cry in reaction to the loud movie, others threw a couple “shut up’s” into the mix. That seemed to do the trick, since shortly after the baby was silenced. A sigh of relief seemed to go through the theater as the crowd turned back to the film. I wasn’t sure what was more odd: the fact that someone brought a baby to a showing of New Moon, or that the fans felt the need to verbally abuse the child for ruining their movie experience.

As the film came to a close at a climactic moment, the room once again erupted into cheers and screams. I got up as quickly as possible, hoping to escape the room full of Twilight freaks, but was bombarded with the sight of two twelve-year-olds making out.

The entire night was both absurd and hilarious. Seeing New Moon is certainly an experience this bitch won’t forget any time soon.

<< Back to The Occasional Bitch archives

November 22, 2009


Danielle Kaslow

Senior EDGE Writer

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