Dear V

DEAR V: Choking my boyfriend just doesn’t do it for me…

Dear V,

There is this guy in one of my classes who I’ve been very much into all semester.  He’s hot, smart, and very funny.  We have great chemistry.  After much anticipation, we finally hooked up last Thursday night when we got back from the Grove.  Things were going great until he pulled me on top of him, grabbed my hands, and squeezed them around his neck.  I think he was trying to get me to choke him!  Now, I’ve always thought of myself as a pretty adventurous chick between the sheets, but I don’t think I could ever choke someone.  Now he calls and texts me all the time to get together again, but I am afraid to be alone with him now.  Do you think I have a shot at any kind of future with this guy, minus the choking?


Gasping for answers

Dear Gasping,

Well, you can’t blame a guy for looking for a nice, “adventuresome” lady who can take his breath away.

Now that I got my pun out of the way, I’d like to point out that everyone has their secret little kinks. Some people derive pleasure from feet, others from a little sadism and masochism, and others enjoy just plain missionary position.  And this is a short list of paraphilias; if you can dream it up, there is probably someone out there who gets off from it. In this guy’s case, he enjoys autoerotic asphyxiation.

Autoerotic asphyxiation refers to the sexual pleasure that some people get from intentionally cutting off oxygen to the brain. Fun fact: it was first discovered in the 1600’s at public hangings.  Observers noticed that male victims would develop erections, and sometimes even ejaculate.

That being said, there are two conclusions that we can draw:

1. Your dreamboat’s interests are not uncommon.

2. While these practices are not unheard of, they are dangerous.

You might remember what happened this past summer, when actor David Carradine’s body was found hanging in a hotel room. He was just trying to pleasure himself, and he ended up dying.  Because of the heavy risks involved with autoerotic asphyxiation, the American Psychiatric Association formally classifies it as a disorder.

With all of the above in mind, ask yourself, “Is this guy really right for me?” Just because you have a crush, doesn’t mean that you should feel obligated to put the guy’s life in jeopardy.  You don’t feel comfortable choking him, so don’t do it.

Your first intimate encounter with someone often says a lot about your chemistry and any future that may or may not exist with that person. Perhaps the two of you are better off as friends.

Best of luck!


November 11, 2009



Advice Columnist

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