Dear V

Dear V: It’s a hard knock life

Dear V,

My boyfriend and I are living together and are having sexual issues. Specifically, he wakes up every morning with a raging erection that he expects me to assuage. The problem is that I have morning classes and I like to have a cup of coffee, shower, blow-dry my hair and put on cute clothes. This puts me in a mad rush in the morning, and frankly I am not in the mood for the indulgence when I am taking care of my responsibilities. He becomes frustrated and enraged after a few days of me denying his morning pleasure. He said that he expected that sex in the morning would be a benefit of living together. Is this normal? What should I do, wake up at 5:30 to pleasure him? That does not sound like something I want.


Tired of Love

Dear Tired,

As it turns out, an early morning hard-on is a fact of life for most men. Testosterone levels peak during the Rapid Eye Movement (REM) phase of the sleep cycle.This normally happens right before waking, causing men to be greeted by an erection in the morning. But while your boyfriend’s morning wood is normal, this little lumberjack should let you *saw* some Z’s.

A healthy sex life is key to sustaining a long-term relationship. And by healthy, I mean BOTH partners are enjoying themselves. Sleepy sex and resentful blowjobs are not the way to go about this. If your boyfriend expects you to feel for him during his times of morning frustration, you can expect him to understand that you won’t always be in the mood.

I’d hate to pry (kidding!), but I must inquire: are you having sex regularly? Perhaps your boyfriend is so hot and bothered because he feels deprived during other hours of the day. It never hurts to try spicing things up at a time more convenient for you.

This isn’t to say you shouldn’t treat him every so often. Just as I’m sure you’d love him to get you flowers or take you to a nice dinner every once in a while, a little pre-afternoon delight could work a similar magic with him.

Your relationship is full of privileges, not “benefits.” Neither you nor your boyfriend should feel entitled to any sort of treatment. Rather, you should each find pleasure in making one another happy.

Best of luck!


October 27, 2009



Advice Columnist

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