Dear V,
My roommate is a screamer. She’s a great roommate and one of my best friends, but whenever her boyfriend comes to our apartment, I am traumatized by the noises of their passionate lovemaking. I’d hate to interfere with their relationship, and I don’t want to get into an argument with her either. How can I deal with this problem? I’m losing sleep!
Sincerely,
Annoyed
Dear Annoyed,
In any relationship, one must learn to pick and choose their battles. Whether it’s a lovers’ spat, or a beef among friends, engaging in pointless arguments can cause quite the strain. But it sounds to me like your roommate already has you wearing pretty thin. This is a conflict that I think is worth settling.
Your roommate and her boyfriend should be free to enjoy their sex life. But of course, you don’t need to know just how much they’re enjoying it. Sex should remain something that they share with each other—and not you. They have made their “lovemaking” part of your business, and you are certainly entitled to your peace and quiet (and sleep!) inside your own home.
Speak with her when you are both at home and her boyfriend isn’t around. Remember that she is a good friend to you, and approach her with the expectation that this matter can be settled civilly.
Fortunately, while this is just a hunch, your roommate seems like she might not be too embarrassed about her sexual encounters. Therefore you should not feel too embarrassed in approaching her. Calmly (but confidently) tell her that her and her boyfriend are being too loud. And not only is it awkward for you, you can’t sleep! Reasonable enough, right?
There are always two sides to each argument. Your roommate may or may not be completely willing to turn down the volume, so be prepared to compromise if necessary. You can offer to let her know when you won’t be in the apartment, or if you’re feeling extra generous, give them a date night to do what they need to do. Plus, they could always go to his place.
Do not allow her to sexile you under any circumstance. Not only is it rude, it is so freshman year! You’re both better than that.
Best of luck!
V