Dear V,
It sounds cliché to say that finding the right person is what makes sex the best, but there may be some truth to this. I am in a new relationship and feel embarrassed that something has happened to me for the first time. When I first had sex with another girl, there was a certain wow factor that had been missing with my ex-boyfriend; however, my new lady is the first person I have ever achieved orgasm with. This achievement is not why I write to you. If my girl does something that feels extremely good, my entire body shakes. Yes, my whole body. I cannot control it. It doesn’t stop after I orgasm. I feel like it looks as if I am having a seizure because I spasm all over and it goes on for more than a few minutes. I can’t imagine that this happens to every girl. Am I a freak?
Spastic Lover
Dear Spaz,
No, this does not happen to every girl. To that, I offer you my hearty congratulations!
It sounds to me like you are lucky enough to be experiencing earth shattering orgasms. Give yourself a pat on the—well…
To put things into perspective, ABC News did a survey on American sexuality. Only 30% of the women who participated in the survey reported always achieving orgasm during sex, and only 59% of the women reported that they “enjoy sex a great deal.” Additional research done by sexologist (yup, that’s a real job) Robert W. Birch says that 10 to 15% of women have never had an orgasm. Never.
I think that your willingness to explore with a same-sex lover could be to blame for your ecstasy. Women who are more sexually adventurous and less inhibited in bed are not among the aforementioned 10-15%.
There are also a million ways to explain your convulsions. Different areas on the body often trigger different reactions (like the g-spot versus the clitoris). Plus, those women who are lucky enough to experience the Big O experience it differently. Some even ejaculate, but I would rather save that for a separate discussion.
So no, you are not a freak. You are simply one of the chosen ones.
I’d wish you luck, but it sounds you’ve already won the love lotto!
Best,
V