Dear V

Dear V: My new lover is shaking things up down south…

Dear V,

It sounds cliché to say that finding the right person is what makes sex the best, but there may be some truth to this. I am in a new relationship and feel embarrassed that something has happened to me for the first time. When I first had sex with another girl, there was a certain wow factor that had been missing with my ex-boyfriend; however, my new lady is the first person I have ever achieved orgasm with. This achievement is not why I write to you. If my girl does something that feels extremely good, my entire body shakes. Yes, my whole body. I cannot control it. It doesn’t stop after I orgasm. I feel like it looks as if I am having a seizure because I spasm all over and it goes on for more than a few minutes. I can’t imagine that this happens to every girl.  Am I a freak?

Spastic Lover

Dear Spaz,

No, this does not happen to every girl.  To that, I offer you my hearty congratulations!

It sounds to me like you are lucky enough to be experiencing earth shattering orgasms.  Give yourself a pat on the—well…

To put things into perspective, ABC News did a survey on American sexuality.   Only 30% of the women who participated in the survey reported always achieving orgasm during sex, and only 59% of the women reported that they “enjoy sex a great deal.” Additional research done by sexologist (yup, that’s a real job) Robert W. Birch says that 10 to 15% of women have never had an orgasm.  Never.

I think that your willingness to explore with a same-sex lover could be to blame for your ecstasy.  Women who are more sexually adventurous and less inhibited in bed are not among the aforementioned 10-15%.

There are also a million ways to explain your convulsions.  Different areas on the body often trigger different reactions (like the g-spot versus the clitoris).  Plus, those women who are lucky enough to experience the Big O experience it differently.  Some even ejaculate, but I would rather save that for a separate discussion.

So no, you are not a freak.  You are simply one of the chosen ones.

I’d wish you luck, but it sounds you’ve already won the love lotto!

Best,

V

September 27, 2009

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


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