Dear V

Dear V: Dazed and Confused…I think I wanna play for the other team

Dear V,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for more than two years now and we’ve been best friends for even longer. We get along great and I love him but lately I feel like something’s missing. My best girlfriend and I have been close since childhood and I think I’m developing stronger and possibly romantic feelings for her. She’s single and there’s a big chance she feels the same. What should I do? I’m scared of ruining what I already have with both people.



Dear Flexible,

I have the perfect solution to your problem: a magic crystal ball that lets you see into the future!  Sadly, these don’t exist, so things are a bit more complicated.

Weigh your options.  Remember that taking a friendship to the next level will always have its risks.  Are you positive that your female friend feels the same way about you?  Unrequited love is a speedy way to warp a friendship, so be prepared.

You will also need to be prepared for the consequences with your current beau.  If you feel that you can no longer continue the relationship, honesty is a must—especially since he is such a dear friend of yours.  That being said, your history as pals might lessen the chances of permanently destroying your rapport.  Your sexuality is something you cannot control, so he should be able to accept this.  However, he is still entitled to feeling hurt, and getting over your relationship could take time for both of you.

Additionally, I’d like to point out a pattern I’ve noticed.  You have been attracted to two of your best friends.  And from the sound of it, your current relationship still sounds like a friendship, and is not romantically fulfilling.  Consider the possibility that you might be misconstruing platonic feelings for a crush.

Do you feel that pursuing your female friend is truly worth the risks involved?  Will this dilemma continue to eat at you until you have your answer? Or will it blow over in time?

When it comes to matters of the heart, there is often no way of knowing what we truly want until we actually have it (or lose it).  So while crystal ball technology is still being developed, sometimes all we have to go by is a leap of faith.

Best of luck!


September 14, 2009



Advice Columnist

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