Dear V

Dear V: Am I the next 40-year-old virgin?

It has been a long time since my last relationship, and since then I haven’t had sex.  I have heard people say that when a girl doesn’t have sex for a while, she loses all her skill and the next intercourse is painful.  Is there any truth to this?

Use it or Lose It

Dear Lose It,

Your signature reminds me of The 40 Year Old Virgin. Okay—you’re no virgin, but I understand your concern. There are few people who would want to repeat their first time having sex.
In some respects, this “use it or lose it” philosophy is true. In others, it is not.
Women do have a tendency to… spring back, so to speak. If you do not have intercourse for a while, your body will in some ways go back to what it was like before you were sexually active.  Essentially, you’ll be less flexible than you were, making sex a little less enjoyable. However, when women lose their virginity, a piece of skin called the hymen breaks. This is often what is associated with much of the pain that comes with the first time. When the hymen breaks, it does not heal. You will never have this problem again.
Often, physical pain after a dry spell does not persist. If it does, you might want to consult a doctor. There are a number of simple solutions available for this issue.
As far as your skill level is concerned, you probably have not lost any knowledge on how to perform. Think of it this way: have you forgotten about the things you enjoy most in bed?  Have you forgotten any of the little tricks you may have learned from your past experiences? Chances are, you’re probably thinking of them now more than ever!
It is safe to say that the longer a sexually active adult goes without sex, the more they want it. The more they want it, the more they think about it. Once you hop back in the sack, I am sure your memory will kick in and guide you.
That being said, a lack of sex often makes it all too easy to lower standards. Keep this in mind. Sleeping with the wrong person, whatever the reason might be, could have its consequences. Your patience and permissiveness is more likely to pay off.
Best of luck!

August 26, 2009



Advice Columnist

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