Dear V

Dear V: What should I do when company of three becomes a crowd?

Dear V,

I have been in a relationship with two guys for two years now; we have lived together for a little over a year. The problem is that since things are starting to get serious, they want to be introduced to my parents, who are coming down for my graduation! We love each other so much, but polygamy is illegal so I can’t marry them both. I suggested that we find another girl to join us so we’d look like two couples, but they don’t like the idea. Should I just suck it up and tell my (conservative) parents the truth or would it be wise to keep our relationship under wraps?

Sincerely,
-Polyglamorous


Dear Polyglamorous,
There’s nothing like telling your parents that you’re going to introduce them to a perfect 10, and then bringing home two 5s…

All joking aside, polygamous relationships aren’t exactly the most socially celebrated bonds of love. Therefore it would not be logical to become involved with dual suitors without being prepared to face consequences from peers, parents and the law. So unfortunately, I cannot give you the magic answer that will result in boyfriends and parents holding hands and skipping off into the sunset together.

Things could get messy, but the best thing that you can do is be prepared. Let’s break the situation down:

You’ve already acknowledged the fact that you can’t marry both guys. In turn, this means that you’ve entered the relationship knowing that you will have to end things with one (if not both) of these guys somewhere down the road. So that would mean that things couldn’t possibly be getting too “serious,” as you put it.

Because you realize that you must eventually wrap up the romance with at least one of these guys, tip the scale in favor of your parents. Allow your boyfriends to meet your parents, but explain to the guys ahead of time that you will be introducing them as your good friends. After all, you are not sure which one, if either, will triumph as your hubby. It is unfair to both boyfriends and parents to portray them both as such.

If your boyfriends take issue with this approach, explain to them how you feel and what I explained to you. They should understand with your best interests in mind. Take this as a milestone in your relationship, and a constructive opportunity to reflect on where you stand with each of these gentlemen.

Congratulations on your graduation and best of luck!

-V

April 26, 2009

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


ONE COMMENT ON THIS POST To “Dear V: What should I do when company of three becomes a crowd?”

  1. anon says:

    Why can’t you all three enter into contracts that equal marriage but don’t really constitute marriage? There is no law against that…though you would have to move overseas to have true recognition of your relationship. In all but a few african countries, polgamy is normal. In parts of asia, polyandry is quite normal. Tell your parents and friends loudly you love 2 men and be proud of who you are.

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