Dear V

Dear V: Should I tell roommate about me and her boyfriend’s mid-sleep rendezvous?

Dear V,

I don’t know what to do. I accidentally slept with my roommate’s boyfriend while she was working. It just happened naturally during the drowsy wee A.M. hours. He has the key to our apartment and entered one night. For me, the night was dream-like. As I remember the encounter it was pure drunken sensuality. Now, I am suffering. I am always paranoid that my roommate will find out. The worst for me is when he is visiting because I am wildly attracted to him now. Am I guilty of betraying my roommate’s friendship? This was not premeditated by me and besides, I was in a deep sleep when the episode started. Should I tell her?

 

-Guilty

Dear Guilty,

You answered your own question when you signed this letter. Yes, you are guilty. It seems like you are more concerned about how to handle the aftermath of this sticky situation.

Before you do anything, you need to take responsibility for your own actions. It takes two to tango, baby, even if you feel like pawning it off on drunkenness or drowsiness. You made the mistake of sleeping with him. But if a guy has the key to his girlfriend’s place, shouldn’t he know her well enough to know when she’s working? This dude came in with the idea of seducing you, and he had his way. He is a creep. Wait – a scummy creep, who is also at fault here. So despite your utter indiscriminateness, the boyfriend’s a cheater! If you hadn’t allowed him in your pants, who’s to say he wouldn’t have found another pair? Who’s to say he hasn’t already? I’m not one to pick and choose for others, but don’t be attracted to this guy. If he burned your roommate, he’ll burn you too.

I guess we could argue that you are the lesser of two evils. He actively took advantage of you in a vulnerable state, and you actually recognize the fact that this encounter was wrong. That being said, would you rather your roommate hear the news from you, or a cheating pervert? Even worse, she could find out on her own.

If you confess, I can’t promise you rainbows and sunshine as the two of you kiss and make up. You did something hurtful to your friend, and have to accept the consequences of your deviance. However, coming clean increases the odds of eventually restoring your friendship. You need to show your roommate how much you care about her, and lying to her while allowing her to date a cheater is certainly not the way to accomplish that.

Best of luck!
-V

March 8, 2009

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

Either the Miami Hurricanes get a collective adrenaline rush from heart-palpitating fourth quarters, ...

Mark Richt is not overly concerned with depth. Not when the eighth-ranked Miami Hurricanes (6-0, 4-0 ...

After jumping three spots from No. 10 to No. 7 last week in the Amway Coaches Poll (one spot better ...

University of Miami weak-side linebacker Michael Pinckney is definitely old-school Miami Hurricane. ...

The question came straight at Ahmmon Richards, like a tight spiral. And this time, he was locked in. ...

Univeristy of Miami’s Wynwood Art Gallery holds its annual faculty exhibition featuring thought-prov ...

From a game simulating how whales navigate to a tribute to Ella Fitzgerald, the U showcased some of ...

A new mobile game called Blues and Reds, now available worldwide, aims to help researchers study int ...

A major Lancet Commission report, a three-year project headed by UM’s Professor Felicia Knaul and co ...

With a $6.8 million NIH grant, the UM School of Nursing and Health Studies and FIU Robert Stempel Co ...

The Hurricanes grabbed four interceptions and another ACC victory as they defeated Syracuse, 27-19, ...

The Miami women's tennis team wrapped up play Sunday the ITA Southeast Regional Championships P ...

As a Hurricane Club member, you are invited to participate in the 25th Annual University of Miami Ha ...

Kolby Bird had a career-high 21 kills, but the Hurricanes dropped a five-set battle to Notre Dame on ...

The Miami soccer team recognized its four seniors Sunday afternoon and then dropped a hard-fought 2- ...

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.