Dear V,
I don’t know what to do. I accidentally slept with my roommate’s boyfriend while she was working. It just happened naturally during the drowsy wee A.M. hours. He has the key to our apartment and entered one night. For me, the night was dream-like. As I remember the encounter it was pure drunken sensuality. Now, I am suffering. I am always paranoid that my roommate will find out. The worst for me is when he is visiting because I am wildly attracted to him now. Am I guilty of betraying my roommate’s friendship? This was not premeditated by me and besides, I was in a deep sleep when the episode started. Should I tell her?
-Guilty
Dear Guilty,
You answered your own question when you signed this letter. Yes, you are guilty. It seems like you are more concerned about how to handle the aftermath of this sticky situation.
Before you do anything, you need to take responsibility for your own actions. It takes two to tango, baby, even if you feel like pawning it off on drunkenness or drowsiness. You made the mistake of sleeping with him. But if a guy has the key to his girlfriend’s place, shouldn’t he know her well enough to know when she’s working? This dude came in with the idea of seducing you, and he had his way. He is a creep. Wait – a scummy creep, who is also at fault here. So despite your utter indiscriminateness, the boyfriend’s a cheater! If you hadn’t allowed him in your pants, who’s to say he wouldn’t have found another pair? Who’s to say he hasn’t already? I’m not one to pick and choose for others, but don’t be attracted to this guy. If he burned your roommate, he’ll burn you too.
I guess we could argue that you are the lesser of two evils. He actively took advantage of you in a vulnerable state, and you actually recognize the fact that this encounter was wrong. That being said, would you rather your roommate hear the news from you, or a cheating pervert? Even worse, she could find out on her own.
If you confess, I can’t promise you rainbows and sunshine as the two of you kiss and make up. You did something hurtful to your friend, and have to accept the consequences of your deviance. However, coming clean increases the odds of eventually restoring your friendship. You need to show your roommate how much you care about her, and lying to her while allowing her to date a cheater is certainly not the way to accomplish that.
Best of luck!
-V