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Hurriqueen: If you seek Amy…via text message?

Dear Hurriqueen,

My girlfriend has a thing for sending dirty text messages. It happens when I’m in class, the gym, meetings, or even on Christmas morning. I like knowing she’s thinking about me, but it’s just too much. I don’t know how to react to messages about my junior petting her kitty cat or some other embarrassing line. My replies are always something like “Oh, you know it baby.” However, I really just don’t know how to ask her to stop. Help.

– Full Inbox

 

Dear Reader,

The easy solution is developing an iPhone vibrator application for this chick. Maybe she’d learn to use her phone for something other than sexting.

But since electronic devices are prone to water damage, we suggest we focus on two possible realities. First, maybe your girlfriend is a nymphomaniac on the loose which, to us, is sexist-speak for a woman who is honest about her sexual desires. These types of ladies have been popping up everywhere since Sex and the City went into syndication. And we hear they’re making a sequel to the movie, so get used to it. The other possibility is that you’re just not pleasing her, and she’s using an expensive data plan with unlimited text messages to drop hints. 

Regardless, the messages will continue to fill your inbox until the two of you talk about it. Surely it doesn’t appear to be a difficult task for her to take on, but we have concerns about your ability to communicate with her. You say you don’t know how to ask your girl to tone down the erotic text messages. Why is that? Anyone who has seen Oprah or Dr. Phil knows that in order to have a healthy relationship, a couple must be able to tell each other what’s on their minds. Man up and express yourself.

On a different note, we’re curious as to why you want it to stop. Personally, we never mind an inappropriate text to break the monotony of the daily grind, or a hint at one in between classes. Moreover, so many straight men complain that their girls are too conservative when it comes to sex. From this perspective, ask yourself what’s so bad about getting teased in class. Sure, you might pop a boner while trying to take notes on that bio exam, but getting rid of it after class might release some much-needed endorphins for a guy who seems so – dare we say it? – tense. 

So move those lips or get a rub. Either way, we hope it works. 

XOXO,

The Hurriqueen

January 25, 2009

Reporters

The Hurriqueen

Advice Columnist


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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly on Thursdays during the regular academic year.