Dear V

Dear V: What should I do after failing my personal taste test?

DISCLAIMER: The following column includes graphic sexual content. If you are not comfortable with this subject matter, The Hurricane advises that you not read any further. The question has been edited for content.

It’s been said that blowjobs are like roses for men, and I definitely agree. I love getting “blowskis” from my girlfriend, but lately she hasn’t been migrating south as usual, so I asked her what’s up. She explained that I just doesn’t taste like I should. After talking to her, I got curious and wanted to make sure that it was the real reason for our drought, so I sampled it myself. To my surprise, it was worse than I thought. Is there any way to sweeten this stew? Or am I just doomed to get bad reviews from my female taste-testers?

-Not Sweet Enough

 

Dear Not Sweet Enough, 

This is important. It’s so important that a “Sex and the City” episode was dedicated to this issue. It’s so important that you can ask almost any guy and he’ll have an answer for you faster than you can say “blowski.” It’s so important that there are entire Web sites dedicated to providing bullet point after bullet point of advice on how to “sweeten the stew,” as you so eloquently put it.

The fact is that these “man roses” are more than just a nice treat – they signify the essence of your manhood. And in the realization that your relationship has taken a sour turn in correlation to this lack of activity, it’s definitely a priority to get to the bottom of this dilemma and to prevent an eternal drought for your own sanity.

Go ahead and let out a sigh of relief. You are not doomed to the disapproval of your “female taste-testers” and there are supposedly plenty of ways of improving the flavor of your protein. I’m not a doctor, so obviously my advice is not medically substantiated, but I’ll give it my best.

What you eat influences the way you taste, which makes sense. I asked around a little bit and found out that fruit, especially pineapple, significantly improves the flavor. Foods like garlic, asparagus and red meat supposedly contribute to a sour or bitter flavor, so maybe cut back on those. Perhaps the saying, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away,” should be appended with “and keeps the ladies down south.”

By changing your lifestyle in the most simple of ways, you increase your chances getting a happy ending. And that’s what she said.

Best of luck

V!

Have a question for V? Hit up DearV@themiamihurricane.com.

October 15, 2008

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • Error

He’s all grown up. Yet University of Miami defensive end Scott Patchan is only 20. Two reconstructiv ...

Michael Rumph, former Cane cornerback and current cornerbacks coach, has mentioned, along with every ...

N’Kosi Perry, definitely on the quiet side, met the media for the first time on Monday. He’s the Mia ...

On a day in which University of Miami football coach Mark Richt said veteran quarterbacks Malik Rosi ...

Week three of fall camp began today, and the first practice after Saturday’s first scrimmage of camp ...

María de Lourdes Dieck-Assad, a world-renowned economist and former ambassador, fills a new role for ...

Through the U Dreamers Grant, DACA students find essential support as they pursue their college degr ...

Former University of Miami Dean of Students William W. ‘Bill’ Sandler, Jr. passed away on August 6 a ...

Researchers use a powerful technique known as Interferometric Synthetic Aperture Radar to show an in ...

UM’s First Star Academy supports foster care youth. ...

RSS Error: A feed could not be found at http://www.hurricanesports.com/. A feed with an invalid mime type may fall victim to this error, or SimplePie was unable to auto-discover it.. Use force_feed() if you are certain this URL is a real feed.

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly on Thursdays during the regular academic year.