Dear V

Dear V: Dishonesty about future plans could jeopardize everything


I am a sophomore here at Miami and I am in a dilemma. I have always believed that it is the duty of every American to give back to our country. For me, this has always come in the form of becoming an officer in the military. My original plan was to take officer classes over the summer and enlist after I graduate. Like most plans, they sound good on paper but don’t end up that way. I am now involved in a very serious relationship. We have even consolidated households to conserve money. Marriage has been discussed, even the names of our future children. She supports everything I do except my ambition to join the military. She makes it clear that she does not want me to join. I have not told her that I have been in contact with recruiters and have begun the application process for officer school because I am afraid of her reaction. Joining the military is very important to me; however, I don’t want to lose her. What should I do?

– G.I. ‘Woe’

Dear GI ‘Woe’,

The courage of a solider is one of the most honorable qualities in an American. We are indebted to the brave souls who have stood up for our country and thank our veterans for their sacrifices, but responsibility to that which we love can be expressed in more than one way.

The love you have for your girlfriend should be honored in a mature way. By lying to her about your intentions with the military, you put at risk the future you have planned together. Honesty and respect are probably the most important aspects in a relationship, and by ignoring it you set yourself up for trouble. Be upfront with your girlfriend and things will work out a lot better than if you lie about it.

You said it yourself: Life doesn’t always work out the way you planned it. But if it’s any consolation, another truth about life is that it tends to work out in the end anyways. In your case, you are caught choosing between two things that are really important to you. If worse comes to worst, then you still end up with at least one of those things you love. And if things turn out ideally, you end up with both. 

You’re young, you have a bright future and you still have a few years left in college. I say be honest and trust in what is right.

Best of luck!


Please send probing inquiries to

September 18, 2008



Advice Columnist

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