Dear V

Dear V: Riding out the rut requires some serious effort

V,

I have been dating my girlfriend for about four months. I really like her, but I noticed that we are a really boring couple. We sit around watching stupid TV shows all the time and eat in silence at pretty much every meal. We haven’t had sex because my girlfriend hasn’t wanted to, even though she used to have sex with her ex all the time. Not just that, we barely ever do anything remotely sexual. I’m bored. I don’t know what to do.

– Bored Joe

 

You, my friend, are in a rut. That’s a huge bummer, but at least you have a good reason to reevaluate what you want from a relationship – and to have some fun shaking things up! After all, you aren’t the only one whose expectations aren’t being met. Sweats and T-shirts may be comfortable, but it won’t get you on the cover of any magazines. 

You need to be honest with yourself and objective about the situation without forgetting why you are with your girlfriend in the first place. True, it has only been four months and usually people are still dizzy with the excitement of a new relationship at this stage of the game, but then again, this is life and what’s true for most people doesn’t mean it’s true for you.

Maybe both of you are really fun to be around individually. Maybe you just need to remember that being in a relationship doesn’t mean changing your life to the point where you are no longer who you used to be pre-relationship. That’s what’s wonderful about finding the right girlfriend/boyfriend: they make you a better person, not a boring person.

Think of all the exciting things you used to do before you got into this rut and find a way to enjoy these activities as a couple. Your options aren’t limited to being (a) single and fun or (b) coupled and boring. Instead, choose (c) the awesome couple everyone wishes they could be.

As far as the sex issue, find out what your girlfriend’s reasons are for her decision. Whatever the reason is, knowing it will make you a more understanding boyfriend. Who knows, maybe she’s feeling the same way and is just waiting for you to push the right button to get things going.

Best of luck!

V

Please send probing inquiries to DearV@themiamihurricane.com.

September 4, 2008

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

Miami coach Jim Larranaga is staying on the Hurricanes while they keep piling up wins. Dewan Huell h ...

Shakey Rodriguez, the Miami high school basketball coaching legend, vividly remembers the first time ...

It was a good day for the Miami Hurricanes basketball team. They moved up to No. 6 in the AP Top 25 ...

Erykah Davenport and Shaneese Bailey made key plays back-to-back late in the game and four players s ...

1. MARLINS: Jeter's Fish trade Gordon. Stanton next?: While others spend -- like the Angels to ...

William W. Sandler Jr. Center for Alcohol and Other Drug Education earns national recognition for it ...

Retired baseball star Alex Rodriguez gives "Major League" advice to UM’s fall graduating c ...

Becoming the Man of the Hour ...

Always a little bit of a flair for the dramatic. ...

A scholarship created by retired Major League Baseball star Alex Rodriguez and born out of his love ...

Dewan Huell recorded his second double-double of the season as Miami improved to 9-0 with a 59-50 wi ...

The Miami women's basketball team begins play at the Puerto Rico Classic Monday against Sacrame ...

The University of Miami women's basketball team capped its seven-game homestand with a 79-31 wi ...

University of Miami senior wide receiver Braxton Berrios earned 2017 first-team 2017 CoSIDA Academic ...

USA Diving announced the recipients of its annual awards at a ceremony in conjunction with the 2017 ...

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.