Decoding mixed dating signals


I have gone on a few great dates with a girl I really like. She seems to really like me too. The only thing is, for the four dates we’ve gone on, she has canceled on me four other times. We have had a bunch of great phone conversations too, but at the same time she has broken promises to call me several times. If I weren’t so sure that she digs me, I’d think she’s just messing with me. What do you think?

~ Mixed Messages

Dear Mixed Messages,

Ah, the saga of the mixed message. I know how you feel, as does every other person who has engaged in the trials and tribulations of this thing we call “dating.” Although mixed message sending and receiving is as old as time itself, it still manages to throw us off balance and make us question which way is up.

I can also understand the heartbreak of a canceled dinner date. (Oh man, mac ‘n cheese again?) And as much as I understand the desire to look for concrete answers, be it from a trusted, know-all Ouija board or from the wisdom of yours truly (wink wink), sometimes it’s okay to just step back and take it easy. So what if you don’t have all the answers right now? Isn’t the journey half the fun anyway?

I know that four good dates, four canceled dates, good phone chemistry and broken phone promises may add up to a recipe of being “messed with” in your cookbook of life, but maybe you should explore all the possibilities before you give up. It could be that your lovely date is just trying to fit you into her life the best way she can manage.

Maybe you should step back and not get all freaked out over it. I mean, do you really want to start a relationship feeling so complicated? Come on, it’s the very beginning, things should be easy!

Relationships are all about give and take. In the mystery that defines dating itself, I think you’ll find that your girl will be able to step up after you have backed off a little and a balance will prevail. If things really are the way they are (that you both undeniably like each other), then you have nothing to worry about. Just relax and let it be.

Best of luck!

Fact o’ the day: Women who went to college are more likely to enjoy both the giving and receiving of oral sex than high school dropouts. Amazing what one learns in college.

Please send probing inquiries to DearV@hotmail.com. Do it! All questions and comments will remain anonymous.

March 6, 2008


The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami

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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly on Thursdays during the regular academic year.