Opinion

A girl’s guide to paintball

I noticed that during my experience in paintball most girls (my apologies to those who actually know how to shoot a gun) act somewhat differently than boys. So I would like to offer some advice for girls on how to respectfully play paintball so as not to be mocked or laughed at by the opposite sex.

Regularly wipe your mask. The mask will become foggy as you play, blocking your view of your opponent and thus making any tree appear to be someone on the opposite team. Look carefully to see if it is in fact an enemy or simply a tree. If you continually shoot the tree and yell at it, and it does not move, and others have begun laughing at you, you should probably clean your mask.

But for God’s sake, do NOT take the mask off while on the field! This will result in you sporting an eye patch where your eyeball used to be.

Make sure you speak the language of the people you are playing with. If you do not, you may find that you are still shooting at the tree you mistook for the enemy, while everybody is yelling at you “The game is over!”

Also, “Cover me!” is different than, “It’s over!” It’s important to be able to tell the difference between the two. If you misunderstand “cover me” for “game over,” you could be the idiot charging toward the opposite end of the field stumbling on paintball guns because of your foggy mask.

Getting shot hurts. Like hell. Don’t cry and complain. That is bad and you will never be allowed to play again.

Advance, advance, advance. Do not hide in the back where you started from because:

a) That’s where guys from the opposite team go first because they know that all girls hide in the back.

b) You will not hear that “The game is over!” yell from so far in the back.

c) Every tree from that far back looks like a person, you must advance in order to shoot a REAL person.

d) You will get dirty. Do not wear nice clothes. Wear something you don’t care about, like your boyfriend’s clothes.

Well ladies, I wish you luck on your endeavors. If you follow these tips, you will surely come out as the man with the least bruises.

Lisa Magedler is a junior majoring in creative writing. She is still recovering after embarrassing herself in paintball and may be contacted at l.magedler@umiami.edu.

March 6, 2008

Reporters

The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • Error

UM chatter: • One lesson learned in recent years, as one UM official put it: Don’t get your hopes up ...

The unopened Christmas gift that University of Miami defensive coordinator Manny Diaz recently spoke ...

Joseph Yearby declared early for the NFL draft. Gus Edwards transferred to Rutgers. Trayone Gray is ...

The University of Miami is in conversations about playing the University of Alabama to kick off the ...

He’s all grown up. Yet University of Miami defensive end Scott Patchan is only 20. Two reconstructiv ...

University of Miami students and researchers are blogging during a month-long expedition in the Gulf ...

María de Lourdes Dieck-Assad, a world-renowned economist and former ambassador, fills a new role for ...

Through the U Dreamers Grant, DACA students find essential support as they pursue their college degr ...

UM students talk about their internships up north in a city that never sleeps. ...

Former University of Miami Dean of Students William W. ‘Bill’ Sandler, Jr. passed away on August 6 a ...

RSS Error: A feed could not be found at http://www.hurricanesports.com/. A feed with an invalid mime type may fall victim to this error, or SimplePie was unable to auto-discover it.. Use force_feed() if you are certain this URL is a real feed.

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly on Thursdays during the regular academic year.