Dear V,
A few months ago, I had a vivid dream that my roommate and I were making out. It was quite enjoyable so she wanted to take it a step further but I stopped her. Since then, I’ve been fantasizing about what it would be like if I hadn’t stopped her. Now I can’t even be around her, because that’s all I think about when I see her. I have a boyfriend and I’ve never been with a girl. These feelings are so strong that I don’t know what to do. Should I tell her? I’m afraid that she’ll freak and our friendship will never be the same. Help!
~ Going Crazy
Dear Going Crazy,
All things considered, it’s probably best to just keep your crush to yourself. Think about it: You have your friendship on the line here. If you tell her about your dream and then on top of that you tell her that you have been fantasizing about her in a sexual context for months, then that is reason enough to make things weird. Sleeping with (or wanting to sleep with) your roommate goes along the same lines of sleeping with your boss – you’re better off not even going there!
Not only would you put your friendship on the line by telling your roommate about your fantasy, you risk making things uncomfortable at home. If you tell your roommate, she may begin to overanalyze every little thing you do. What does that sly little smile mean? Is she fantasizing about me right now? Is that why she doesn’t mind if I see her naked when she’s getting out of the shower? And the questions begin.
On the flipside, if you do tell her and she is cool with it and you decide to experiment a little bit, more likely than not it’s just a phase for one of you, if not both of you. In which case, you’ll find yourself in that uncomfortable situation already mentioned. Bottom line: too much is at risk.
Maybe your feelings are a sign of something more profound than just a desire for your roommate. What about the dream has interested you so much? Is it the manifestation of your platonic love for your roommate or is it a deeper desire for something you have never experienced? These feelings are a good reason to look within yourself and decide if this is your way of coming out. It’s not to say that just because you have one dream about a girl that means you’re gay. But it is a possibility that you may want to explore before jumping to conclusions with your roommate.
Fact o’ the day: The average person spends two weeks of his or her life kissing.