V,
I am a senior with a future, but now I’m in a catch-22. I have just met what I think may be close to my ideal girl, but the thing is, I don’t know what to do. For years, I have used girls and left them without a thought. My friends are telling me that I shouldn’t bother with ideals, that I shouldn’t mess with it because my past and future are great the way they are. The truth is that I’m done with my ways and I want someone constant in my life. I really want love, but I’m scared of following through and of what my friends will say if I do. I’m so scared of not knowing where I or she will be in four months that I have avoided her for weeks and I feel as if I may be losing her now. What to do?
~ Catch-22
Dear Catch-22,
It would be a mistake to think that if you were to pursue someone in a way unlike the way you have been, you would compromise the quality of your future. In fact, if you choose to do right by this girl and pursue her, things could turn out just the way you hoped. Or in the worst of cases, you could end up where you started, which, as you said, is great the way it is. So what’s the risk in that?
Life will teach you that you can’t base yourself on other people’s opinions for fear of judgment. The same way that your friends encouraged your aggressive, devil-may-care, I-get-what-I-want attitude when you were ripping and dipping, they should encourage you equally so because you have found the girl who could make you happy in a more meaningful way. Besides, you need to realize that notches on a bedpost end up being nothing more than a damaged piece of furniture in your life.
You are absolutely right when you say that you may be losing her. Being scared is no excuse, especially when it comes to love. If what you want is love, then you have to put yourself out there and risk a certain sense of exposure. Your past has shown that you have no problem making use of other people’s vulnerability, so why be afraid when it may be your own this time? Courting her isn’t going to ruin things for you; what is ruinous is avoiding her and eliminating any possibility of what could be.
Best of luck!
V
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