I dated and had a sexual relationship with this guy. Since being with him didn’t exactly light my fire, I broke up with him after a few weeks. The truth is, I was using him as an excuse to break up with my ex. But now I don’t talk to the guy I used, and I see him around campus all the time. I feel like I should talk to him and try to get along, but I just don’t want him in my life. Should I try to “kiss and make up” for the sake of my sanity, or should I continue ignoring him? I trust you, Hurriqueen. Help!
– Annoyed and Confused
Did you think I could fix this for you? Did you think I could just make it okay for you to have “used” a guy and then just ditched him to the wayside? Player, please. The Hurriqueen can’t undo karma. And even if he could, I don’t think he would.
What I will do, however, is give you a piece of my mind. And in the process, I hope that you are able to realize that you must change your insensitive ways.
First off, when the time comes to break up with a boyfriend, the ethical thing to do is explain to the man why the relationship is over. Come clean. Yes, this is hard, but it’s a hell of a lot more decent than shacking up with some other guy to get out quick. I mean, really, think about how the first ex must have felt!
And even if you’re incapable of considering other peoples’ emotions, think about the rollercoaster you’ve put yourself on! Did you feel particularly good about going straight from one guy to the next? Next time you have a break up, take a break to reflect on the relationship. Consider the mistakes and then think about what to do differently with the next man.
Now let’s move on to the poor boy you’ve admittedly used. I sure hope the sex wasn’t good for him. Take it from me – it’s belittling to find out you were just the temporary replacement to someone you were actually interested in. So do him a favor: Don’t tell him you used him. Instead, apologize to him for any harm done and remain cordial in all social settings. You don’t have to be BFFs, but ignoring him will just create more animosity.
You may feel that this response is harsh, but I strongly suggest that you heed my advice. Otherwise, repeating such behavior could give you a hideous reputation. And we both know how small this campus is.
Send questions to Hurriqueen@gmail.com. He’ll get to them, if he feels like it.