Opinion

Politically incorrect bios of the Democratic candidates

Sen. Joseph Biden-Born in Scranton, PA, and also known as Joe, Biden once said: “If I could wave a wand and the Lord said I could solve one problem, I’d solve the energy crisis.” Clearly, he’s quite the “Greenhouse Harry Potter,” but there must be something magical about him since he has managed to overcome not one but two brain aneurysms.and the loss of his first wife.

Sen. Hillary Clinton-A woman who needs no introduction but still gets one. No one is more tied to the word ‘president’ than she is. She’s a personal friend of President Shalala’s; she’s the wife of former President Bill Clinton; and now she wants to be president. She’s really pressing the issue here.girl power!

Sen. Chris Dodd-He’s here to restore habeas corpus and teach us about Nuremberg. Really, that sounds like a lot of buzz. Here’s a man who not only understands women (with three pretty ladies under his roof) but who also runs for president, facing the possibility that his cute little daughters might one day go bar-hopping and get wasted like President Bush’s daughters.

Former Sen. John Edwards-According to his website, he stands for the “Democratic hopeful.” And while you’re on his site you can write your own “goodbye note” to Alberto Gonzales-“the man who brought us Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo, and illegal spying on Americans.” Edwards seems to be pro-free speech.

Former Sen. Mike Gravel-Gravel fought against Nixon and has continued his career as a hippie ever since. He’s pretty much the oldest in the bunch, but it’s up to you to see if that makes him the wisest. He’s from Alaska, so don’t worry about giving him the cold shoulder!

Rep. Dennis Kucinich-He’s the only congressman amid all these senators. Brave little guy. Seriously though, he is kind of little. Did you know he and Hillary had to stand on boxes during a past debate to level themselves with the others? But you know what they say: the more powerful venoms come in the smaller jars.

Sen. Barack Obama-Did I spell that right? Barack is against the barracks, against this ongoing war and Obama is not afraid of Osama. With the obvious wordplay out of the way, Obama is one serious candidate who is bringing on all of his game. You can check out any of his recent publications and poses for magazine covers at our very own campus bookstore.

Gov. Bill Richardson-His website is a sponsored link on Google. I don’t know if that means anything to you, but it seemed pretty cool to me! He’s the governor of New Mexico (out of all places). Hopefully he’ll bring some Latin spice into future debates. Can you say “Richardson para presidente”?

Irene Daboin is a freshman majoring in psychology. She may be contacted at i.daboin@umiami.edu.

September 10, 2007

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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.