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Professing love for a married professor not an option

V,

I think I’m in love. No, I know I’m in love. There’s just one tiny problem.he’s my professor. Let me give you a little background: I took a course from him my freshman year, and was truly inspired. So, I took another, this time in a much more intimate class setting. I found myself connecting with him on levels I’d never even imagined. It’s like every word that comes out of his mouth is directed at me, and he totally, completely gets me. I honestly feel like it’s meant to be. I’ve been too afraid to approach him about this-truthfully, I’m a little intimidated. I’m worried he might not take it so well, and I’m also worried that this is “against the rules,” per say. Is it? Am I totally out of line here?

Sincerely,
In Love?
P.S. He’s married

Dear Reader,

“P.S. he’s married”??? God bless your na’ve, delusional little heart. Hoo boy. Let me be upfront here: You have not a snowball’s chance in Hell of winning the love of this professor of yours. Regardless of the rules, this relationship-this fixation (borderline obsession?)-is unhealthy. I’m not calling you crazy (we all have our moments), but I think you’re misunderstanding your relationship with this (married!) man.
Let’s just say this whole love affair is a possibility, that your feelings aren’t one-sided.you are falling in love with a married man. In my book, that’s not OK. Have a little integrity here-do you really want to be the “younger woman” who wrecks a marriage? Does he have children? Imagine the consequences there-not only would you be ruining a marriage, you’d be a true home-wrecker. Are you prepared for that?
Now that we’ve discussed the moral implications, let’s talk about your relationship (and why I call it unhealthy). In fact, I wouldn’t even call it a “relationship.” Relationships are reciprocal, and it sounds to me that, other than the usual professor-student interactions, this fixation is wholly one-sided. It’s OK to admire, to have respect for-maybe even have a little crush on-a professor. But falling in love is (or should be) a mutual growth of affection between two people. Think for a minute: what are you getting out of this infatuation with your professor? Nothing, I suspect, but fantasies. And we can only subsist on fantasies for so long.
I urge you to get out more, to interact with people (boys) your own age. Join some organizations, meet new people! I have no doubt that the very qualities you admire in your professor can be found in a boy in your own social realm-and one that can appreciate all of your delightful qualities in return!

Best of Luck,
V

September 6, 2007

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Student newspaper at the University of Miami


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