I have a wonderful boyfriend and let’s just say that we have an amazing sex life. I didn’t think my boyfriend had anything to complain about but recently he’s been pressuring me into inviting either another guy or another girl for a threesome. I am a devout Catholic, and I love my boyfriend. We’ve been together now for seven months and it’s been absolute bliss. I really have no desire to share him with anyone. Nor would I want to have him share me with someone else. I have told him what I think about this, but how can I make him understand that I’m just not interested in participating?
Distraught pleasure queen
Your quandary is totally understandable. And, in my opinion, your problem is fairly typical; it is undeniable that there will always be differences between a couple in any or every aspect of a romantic relationship. One of the toughest parts of any relationship (friendship or otherwise) is learning how to navigate these differences without letting the whole thing blow up and completely losing the person you care so much about.
Obviously at this point breaking up with your boyfriend is not an option. However, I also believe that participating in or feeling obligated (i.e. feeling pressured) to participate in any kind of sexual activity against will is completely not cool and is in fact a violation of dignity.
For the record, rape can and does happen within the confines of a relationship. And, let’s face the practicalities here-if you’re not into the idea of having a threesome, things just aren’t going to be pleasant for you in the heat of the moment.
Yes, it’s unsettling to realize that your boyfriend wants to sleep with someone else, and yes it’s hurtful to know that the sexual dynamic of your relationship is not completely in sync. But, I say stick to your guns right now.
Perhaps one day you might warm to the idea of engaging in a threesome, but until then don’t. If your boyfriend continues to pressure you. you might want to reexamine the relationship.
Best of luck!
Fact’o’the Day: The female bedbug has no sexual opening. To get around this dilemma, the male uses his curved penis to drill a vagina into the female. Sounds fun, no?
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This Dear V originally ran on January 20, 2006.