Photographers rush to the Lincoln Road side of Regal South Beach Cinema as a Ford Mustang styled as a police car swerves towards the median and comes to a screeching stop. A door opens and beer cans fall out as one female and two male officers make their way – albeit drunkenly – towards the sidewalk.
The scene might have been splashed across the front of page of The Miami Herald the next day if the law enforcement officers in the vehicle on the evening of Jan. 23 were real. But this sort of behavior is characteristic of the outrageous Thomas Lennon, Kerri Kenney-Silver and Robert Ben Garant, stars of the hit Comedy Central television show “Reno 911!”
After all, when actors show up at a movie premiere for a film version of a faux reality show on which they hilariously break more laws than the scum they arrest, a grand in-character entrance is standard procedure.
And as The Miami Hurricane discovered in an interview the next day, the amusing – and completely fictional and improvised – ridiculousness is not limited to the red carpet.
The Miami Hurricane, TMH: Lieutenant, do you feel you’re a sex symbol for the current generation?
Lieutenant Jim Dangle, LJD (Thomas Lennon): The short answer is yes. The long answer.
Deputy Trudy Weigel, DTW (Kerri Kenney-Silver): Is exhausting…
LJD: Yes, I do. People seem to think there’s some sexual nature to the tactical shorts I wear, but I stress that they’re tactical. These are law-pro issued shorts. I have cut them down to 11 inches, but they give me striking and leaping power. I can move like a law enforcement cheetah. The cheetah is the fastest animal on earth. Look at how efficient I am. I get a lot done in these.
DTW: [To LJD] You do nothing but complain about how every seat you sit in you get waffle butt.
LJD: It’s true – I get a wicked case of waffle ass a lot.
TMH: What is waffle ass?
LJD: You know how when your butt cheeks look like you sat on a waffle maker by accident?
TMH: Did the makers of the film request that you say any particular lines or was it all real?
LJD: Here’s what I’ll say about the people at 20th Century Fox. They dooped us into signing these papers that allow them to film us 24 hours, 7 days a week. Our attorney is looking into it. We signed them under the influence under Miller High Life.
TMH: In the film, all of you are seen doing unethical and possibly even illegal things. Are you worried about the ramifications?
LJD: Why are we on trial? For example, there’s a scene in this film where I allegedly wear a G-string made out of candy. A: not a crime. B: taken out of context. Just because you see something in its entirety and you hear the person saying everything they said, does that mean they said it, that you saw it and that it happened?
DTW: It does actually.
TMH: What advice do you offer young people who might be interested in entering law enforcement?
LJD: Don’t. Crime doesn’t pay and neither does being a cop.
Deputy Travis Junior, DTJ (Robert Ben Garant): Get a skill.
LJD: There’s a lot of openings now. Just because it’s called amateur porn doesn’t technically mean you’re not getting paid for it.
DTW: Get a skill, or if you’re a girl who is at all attractive, don’t be afraid to lie on your back and spread your legs for an older gentleman who maybe has some money and can take care of you.
TMH: How do you deal with underage drinkers and how would you suggest that the University of Miami take care of this problem?
LJD: First thing, if you’re an underage drinker, don’t mix. Stick with one thing. The best kind of drinker is the really supper underage who don’t have a license yet.
DTJ: There’s that one little window.
LJD: Where you’re 14, say. You don’t even have a learner’s permit. Party it up. ‘Cause I know you’re walking home. As long as you’re walking, it’s fine by us.
Nick Maslow can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.