Even though we’re heading towards the middle of the spring semester, an important topic that’s not yet been covered is the one about roommates. Everyone has them, and therefore the following list describing the various types of roommates may apply to yours, or unknowingly to you, yourself. They include, but are not limited to:
1.) The roomie who is never there: You basically have a single room with the occasional roommate making an appearance now and then to change clothes, get books, or take out their contact lenses. This is by far the best roommate situation you can ever find yourself in.
2.) The roomie who is always there: You have a roommate a la Big Brother who is constantly in the room. They never leave, and spend their entire day on Facebook or watching Animal Planet. They only leave to go to class, the bathroom, or the C-Store to buy Red Bull to stay awake during the “Things Pets Swallow” marathons. This is by far the worst roommate situation you can ever find yourself in.
3.) The promiscuous roomie: You can’t peacefully sleep in your bed without hearing the bed next to you creak and witnessing a reenactment of Halle Berry and Billy Bob Thornton doing the nasty in Monster’s Ball – with a different person every weekend.
4.) The roomie with the significant other attached at the hip: See above, but with the same person every day.
5.) The always on the phone roomie: After hearing them sob to their love back home for the tenth time in one night, you should invest in either ear plugs, or a heavy object (such as those huge Biology books) to knock out yourself or your roomie.
6.) The clepto-roomie: If you don’t put your drawer key to use and lock your stuff up, you may walk into your room and find your roommate sporting a familiar looking jacket, with a familiar-looking watch. Advice: next time he sees you walking by the lake, make sure he sees you wearing his favorite jacket. Who has the last laugh now?
7.) The-roomie-who-stumbles-in-drunk-at-night-and-can’t-find-his-way-up-his-loft-and-ends-up-falling-of-it-and-puking-next-to-you: Self-explanatory.
8.) The slacker roomie: While we toil in the library until 2am every night, this guy tends to spend his days playing videogames, sleeping, IMing his friends back home, while still managing to get a 4.0 GPA.
9.) The incompetent roommate: Burns popcorn in the microwave every single time, and stinks up the entire floor.
10.)The roomie who only watches porn: Anything that stars Jenna Jameson tickles his pickle.
11.) The anal roomie: Not so much the roomie who not only cleans her side of the room, but yours as well, and is also highly sensitive to any noise whatsoever.
12.) The “imitating the act by himself” roomie: Try to agree on some sort of door signal, like a scrunchie on the doorknob, in order to avoid any awkward confrontation.
Roommates: even though they may steal your food, wear your clothes, and use your laptop, they are an integral part of college life. Bond with your roommate. Get to know them. Love them. If all else fails, get a room change.
Lisa Magedler is a freshman majoring in Creative Writing. She loves her roommate very much, because she falls in the first category, and may be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org