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Near-death texting experience

A Tokyo woman plummeted onto subway tracks while carelessly texting away on her cell phone earlier this week. Apparently a Kawanishi woman was following her daily route to work, as she collided with a man in a subway station while texting away at 8:30am.

Subsequently, she plummeted a few feet down onto the subway tracks, only to be saved by a station worker who fearlessly hopped down to rescue her SMS-focused mind. The oncoming train screeched to a halt just 20 meters before running her over.

Thankfully, the woman suffered only minor injuries in the fall, but an estimated 4,500 employees were blaming her for holding up their progress when clocking in late. Notably, there was no word on whether or not the phone was saved, or more importantly, whether or not the presumably urgent SMS ever got sent–but this is the second case in a matter of days in which a human being nearly lost their life to a cell phone. The moral of the story? Text responsibly.

Nun Hires Prostitute

In January, a hospice in Britain run by a nun of the Blessed Institute of the Virgin Mary order, Sister Frances Dominica, approved the wish of a 22-year-old man. This man who had been staying under the hospice’s care was born with Duchene muscular dystrophy.

His dying wish was to lose his virginity before he died. So, the Douglas House hospice arranged for a prostitute to visit him at his family’s home. The man said afterward, “It was not emotionally fulfilling, but the lady was very pleasant.”

Virgin Birth due this Christmas

A virgin birth is expected this Christmas; but, don’t get too excited, it will not be the second coming of Jesus Christ.

The virgin in question is Flora the Komodo dragon, a giant lizard at the Chester Zoo in England that has laid fertile eggs despite never having had a mate. DNA tests confirmed that Flora was the sole parent, says Chester Zoo curator of lower vertebrates Kevin Buley.

“Essentially what we have here is an immaculate conception,” he said, adding that the eggs could hatch as soon as Christmas. The dragon is an example of a process called parthenogenesis, in which offspring are produced without fertilization by a male, according to a report in the current issue of the journal Nature. Single-parent reproduction is hardly ever seen in such complex animals, having been documented in just 0.1 percent of vertebrates, the study team says.

February 23, 2007

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The Miami Hurricane

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