Opinion

I hate you, okcupid.com

Okcupid.com is a website consisting of mindless tests and quizzes; most of which have no basis in reality. This is my letter to the masterminds behind it.

Dear okcupid.com:

Allow me to begin by thanking you for ruining my life. The first way you did so was by turning me from annoyingly punctual to chronically late. I used to always arrive early or on time-until I discovered your stupid quizzes. Now I find myself taking those few extra minutes I need to prepare from class or work to find out what percent slut I am (54% and proud).

More specifically, a quiz entitled “The ‘Who the hell am I, really?’ Test” nearly brought me to tears. My score states that I’m “The Drifter,” and the description opens with, “It’s sad, really,” and goes on to tell me how I’m wasted talent and will never achieve greatness (sniff, sniff). And with each incorrect use of the word “your” over “you’re,” the knife sank deeper into my soul.

Let me tell you something, okcupid.com. I know I’m aimless. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out. At the age of 24, I’m still unable to answer the question of what I want to be when I grow up. While that fact is especially disturbing, considering I began my Ph.D. in the fall, this is not something I’m proud of and I don’t appreciate you trying to be the master of all things obvious, and what not.

However, I’ve got news for you. Throughout high school, I had a Calvin Coolidge quote posted in my locker: “Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.”

If there is one thing I’m not, it is a quitter. I may have no idea what I’m doing 99.99% of the time, but if I’m winning when I’m doing it then it’s all good. Talent, genius and education are just a few of the special qualities I have in addition to my incredible amounts of persistence and determination. There is nothing wrong with being a drifter, so long as one is drifting towards an ultimate goal. My ultimate goal is to be filthy rich and happy enough to not let stupid quizzes such as “The ‘Who the hell am I, really?’ Test” get me down.

So guess what, okcupid.com? I’ve got the stick-to-itiveness it takes to make millions. And that is just what I need to buy your website and shut you down so you can never again cause tardiness, tell people who they are or predict what they cannot do.

Best of luck in the future,
Alicia

Alicia Montalvo is a graduate student concentrating in sports medicine. Arguments may be forwarded to a.montalvo@umiami.edu

February 2, 2007

Reporters

The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • Error

Duke Johnson, the all-time leading rusher in Miami Hurricanes history, was one of a dozen members of ...

The Miami Hurricanes, still waiting for a starting quarterback to be named, are in the top 25 again. ...

Happy first day of school for everyone out there, including the University of Miami students. We jus ...

With the University of Miami season opener closing in, the next starting quarterback has yet to be n ...

The second fall scrimmage, closed to the media and public, is over. University of Miami coach Mark R ...

UM’s new chief academic officer holds some 40 patents, and in 2017 was inducted into the National Ac ...

University of Miami students and researchers are blogging during a month-long expedition in the Gulf ...

María de Lourdes Dieck-Assad, a world-renowned economist and former ambassador, fills a new role for ...

Through the U Dreamers Grant, DACA students find essential support as they pursue their college degr ...

UM students talk about their internships up north in a city that never sleeps. ...

RSS Error: A feed could not be found at http://www.hurricanesports.com/. A feed with an invalid mime type may fall victim to this error, or SimplePie was unable to auto-discover it.. Use force_feed() if you are certain this URL is a real feed.

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly on Thursdays during the regular academic year.