Do you have what it takes to be half of a one-night stand?

Imagine this:

Boy goes to the club. Boy meets unacquainted girl. Boy and now acquainted girl leave club and bang all night. Boy and girl never meet again.

For some of you, visualizing the aforementioned scenario did not stretch the limits of your imagination considering you saw this happen to your best friend last Saturday night in the Grove. Personally, I have a near heart attack even pondering the prospect of never seeing someone who spent all night spanking me again. It raises the question: what kind of person does it take to have a one-night stand? Keep in mind; I am by no means an expert in sexual behaviors, the psychology motivating them, or anything of value. I am what I like to refer to as a “BS theorist,” or someone who makes opinions with no substantiating evidence. That being said, here is my answer.

Religious upbringing

“Catholic guilt” is key. I attribute a Catholic upbringing to my inability to be completely sexually liberated. Perhaps religion instills scruples, or perhaps it just instills fear. Whatever the case may be, the best illustration I can think of is Wynona Ryder in the movie “Mermaids.” After all, shouldn’t penance be required after every time you give/receive oral sex?

Emotional availability

.Or lack thereof, in reality. Some people just like spreading themselves thin so as not to become attached. Perhaps it is the fear of being intimate in ways other than physically that motivates people to bone and bounce. And just as Champ Kind would take Dorothy Mantooth out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again, the emotionally unavailable person will screw you (over).

Depression/low self-esteem

Like drug abuse, binge-eating or over-exercising, one-night stands can be considered a temporary escape from the harshness of reality. School’s stressing you out? Go screw a stranger. Got problems at home? Go screw a stranger. The inherent flaw in this equation is that the one-night stand is a mere distraction that exacerbates the situation. Otherwise, we might all be limping and sore, but the smiles? Ear-to-ear, baby!

“Crossed wires”

Ladies, we all have that friend who sleeps around like only a guy is supposed to. Similar to Samantha from “Sex in the City,” she prowls the night-life like an owl hunting for prey. Back home I had this friend who went clubbing in New York. While in a parking garage at approximately 4 a.m., she met a guy and took him home because, “he was hot.” Yikes.

While you or I may not be suited for one-night stands, I certainly do not believe we should frown upon those who are. We should admire their ability to disconnect emotions from sexuality through whatever mechanism. So basically, when your best friend left the Grove last Saturday night with a hottie (as per beer goggles), you went home by yourself. Good times.

Alicia Montalvo is a first year graduate student concentrating in sports medicine. Arguments may be forwarded to a.montalvo@umiami.edu.

November 14, 2006


The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami

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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly on Thursdays during the regular academic year.