Opinion

A list of disposable items and people at UM

Diverting my usual attention from writing brilliant articles, my suite-mate and I, in our first three months on campus, have noticed certain things and people that UM could simply do without, so we have compiled a list of 50 of them.

Note: if in reading this article you take offense to a particular item listed, we do not sympathize with you and are not sorry.

Midget-friendly showers – Referring to the dining hall as “Chartwell’s” – Chartwell’s – The gate at the main entrance – The hookah ban – People who walk around singing with a boombox – Band practice – Crocks (the sandals) – Guys who pop their collar – Guys who wear more than one polo shirt at a time and pop both collars

Eaton Residential College – WVUM – Larry Coker/Kyle Wright – Lance Armstrong/Tony Hawk wannabes who fly by with little remorse (this isn’t the Tour de UM) – People who camp out in the laundry rooms

People who consider, for even a second, having a pet salamander – Sweatshirts – Volvo’s ridin’ on dubs – Skateboards – People in the study lounges on Friday or Saturday nights

The infestation of Philadelphia Eagles fans at the Rat – Signing in – False hopes of the Hecht/Stanford ice cream machine returning -Mahoney/Pearson arsonists – Kids who impose their terrible taste in music by blasting their speakers – RAs – People with ambition – 8AM classes – People who break chairs and throw them into the lake – Angry UM (Chartwell’s) Employees

Girls who have an abortion two weeks into school – Wearing aviators for any other purpose besides comic relief – “Quiet Floors” – Guys laying out tanning on the intramural fields – People who find it necessary to wear receiver gloves while playing simple football catch on the intramural fields – Shirtless guys

Kids who have enough time to make a list this long – V-Neck t-shirts – Substance-free housing-Holding Dorm doors open for people causing them to awkwardly jog through them – Too much UM gear – The Hurry ‘Cane, or rather, the sorry excuse for a pun that serves no purpose – True fans of the girls’ volleyball team – Extreme levels of excitement for the one day of “Fall Break”

Anyone who questions the validity of USA Today – Bookstore prices – Those, like Hansel, who think they’re “too cool for school, but really “aren’t”

Cops with Tasers – Double secret disciplinary probation

Dan Brookman contributed to this column.

Adam Flomenbaum may be contacted at a.flomenbaum@umiami.edu. The Adam and Dan may also be contacted outside of Eaton on their Cigar Night (Sundays).

November 3, 2006

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The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.