I never thought that I (a guy!!) would actually be writing in to your column one day…but I have found myself in a rather difficult situation. I have been seeing a girl off and on for the past few months and things are beginning to get rather serious between us. During our last date, she made several sexual advances towards me. Now, normally, this would not be a problem, but I freaked out! I am not into vaginal sex, I really get off on anal-oral sex or just anal sex. Am I weird? Am I different? Am I gay? I really think I like this woman!
But how can things ever work out between us???
Although you are the only person who can determine your own sexual orientation, the fact that you are “freaked out,” by her sexual advances coupled with your preferences for sexual activity may or may not be an indicator for your future with this girl.
It is very possible that you’ve been dating someone for whom you have no sexual attraction, and if this is the case, perhaps it is time for you to end things considering that her most recent actions indicate her own desire for something more than you have with her now. However, just because you don’t dig her sexually doesn’t mean that you’re not going to have a thing for some other girl who walks your way.
Like a lot of other human behaviors, research suggests that much of the actual physical act of sex is a conditioned response to prior experiences. I am curious as to how you have determined your own predilection towards anal and oral sex. Have you ever had “unsuccessful” vaginal intercourse with a woman, and then from that one soured experience erroneously determined that you don’t like vaginal sex? Have you ever had vaginal intercourse, period?
Perhaps it’s your own anxiety about the situation that is leading you to avoid the act. Regardless, perhaps you and this girl will need to talk about future expectations for your relationship and continue from there.
Best of Luck!
Fact O’ the Day.Women utilize approximately 14-17 parts of their brains in face-to-face contact with another person to detect lies, emotions, and other indicators about another, whereas men only use four to seven different areas of their brains during up close and personal communication.
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