Every time I hear some no name, self-serving, false moralist sports commentator condemning the University of Miami Hurricanes and declaring their latest evil deed a despicable act, I puke. I’m proud of the incident before the 1987 Fiesta Bowl-and I was two years old at the time-when the uptight Nittany Lions wore jackets and ties, and the late great Jerome Brown led my Miami Hurricanes in shedding their outer clothing to reveal Army fatigues before walking out of the pre-game festivities. Brown remarked at the time, “Did the Japanese go sit down and have dinner at Pearl Harbor before they bombed them?”
Unbridled arrogance and hubris is what the University of Miami Hurricanes are all about. It’s what helped them to an NCAA record 58 home game winning streak, making the Orange Bowl the most feared house in football, even if it always seems to be half empty. So when I hear the anchors on Sportscenter talking about the latest “despicable act” committed by the Hurricanes, I don’t feel embarrassed-I applaud. My beloved Miami Hurricanes were in need of a wake-up call this season after humbling losses to arch-nemesis FSU and (quarterback and running back depleted) Louisville, and they got one this past Saturday by beating the snot out of the lowly Florida International University Golden Panthers.
The first half was enough to make a Miami fan grab some razorblades and prep his wrists. But by the time nine minutes were left in the third quarter, true fans knew this program was about to turn around. James Bryant (my new favorite Hurricane) scored a touchdown and took a bow to the FIU faithful. After Peattie’s extra point was good, FIU had had enough of their superior crosstown rivals and sparked the beatdown.
Anthony Reddick, 2004’s Kenny Phillips, ran into the melee with his helmet raised high and slammed it into a FIU player’s back. Brandon Meriweather stomped about 27 guys, and another ‘Cane flipped a Golden Panther into the air and body slammed him into oblivion. I was hoping to rush the field. As it turned out, Miami went on to score 21 more points.
Larry “Dead Man Walking” Coker said after the game, “It was something that neither of us wanted.” Excuse me, Larry, but it’s exactly what most of your fan base has wanted for years. Donna Shalala has done wonders for this school, but by retaining you, has also castrated the football program of its storied swagger. Embattled quarterback Kyle Wright got it right, when he explained, “It’s something they started. And our guys finished it. They’re going home with a 35-0 loss and they’re 0-7.” Damn right, Kyle. Here’s betting this will be the rallying point for the rest of this season and all of next, and my beloved Hurricanes will turn it around, undoubtedly under a new and actually competent coach next year. Keep it up, guys, and maybe I’ll see you in New Orleans in January ’08.
Patrick Gibbons is a senior majoring in Political Science and Communications. He’s (finally) excited about Hurricanes football again. He may be contacted at email@example.com