Dear V,

My birthday was last week, and my boyfriend bought me a vibrator because I had told him that I had never masturbated before. I am kind of upset that he did this because I think that masturbation is disgusting and unnatural, especially when done in a relationship. He said that he would show me how to use it, but now I don’t know what to think of him anymore. He’s not the guy that I thought he was, and I’m not so sure that I even want to be in a relationship with someone who would buy me a vibrator or who believes in using one.

Buzzzzzkill

Dear Reader,

I can understand why you would react in this manner. Opening up to another person on a romantic level can be a difficult process for some. Likewise, the act of sex is perhaps one of the most intimate experiences that can be shared with another person.

All of this being said, I do not, however, think that a person’s sexual preferences in bed are indicative of his or her entire being; one’s sexuality is only a part of a whole identity. I do not think that your boyfriend’s present should be taken as the be all, end all indicator of who he is or what he stands for. In all actuality, he was probably only trying to help you out! Though not all people view masturbation as a natural act, I (as well as the leading sex therapists and medical professionals in this country) am of the opinion that masturbation is not only a totally natural act, but one that is healthy and good for you. Regardless of how good it feels, achieving orgasm through masturbation is just as valid as achieving it through intercourse. Furthermore, it’s pretty tough to figure out what your own preferences are in bed without a little self-guided experimentation down there, and the more you know about how your own plumbing works, the more you will be able to share with your boyfriend – if you get my drift.

Best of Luck!

V.

Fact O’ the Day…Every year at least 500 Americans die from asphyxiation in an attempt to achieve a more powerful orgasm.

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