I have always had a very close relationship with my mother. I would probably consider her to be one of my best friends. As my life seems to get more complicated, there are a lot of things that I don’t really want to tell her about my personal life. She always says that we are best friends, and that I should feel free to come to her about everything and anything, and sometimes I do, but I also feel like a hypocrite when I don’t tell her everything that is on my mind.
By all means, you are not a hypocrite if you choose to confide only some bits of information in your mother, and not other info! At this point in our lives, I think that it is only healthy to come to think of our mothers as wiser, more knowledgeable, and more supportive friends than the rest of our peers, but I do not think that one can ever forget that no matter how friend-like a relationship with mom may seem, a mother is still a mother, and no mother and her daughter, and no mother and her son will ever be on equal footing. She will always be the boss, the one whose opinions you will likely take to heart.
This being said, young adult mother-daughter relationships fall into several non-distinct categories. I know of friends who tell their mothers absolutely everything about themselves, including their most illicit affairs. I also have friends who tell their mothers almost everything, but spare the factual details that are not meant for a mother’s ear. I know of people who resort to their mothers for life phone counseling, midday advice on laundry, passionate discussions on current events, and biased motivational support about getting into law school. And then, I also know of people who talk to their mothers about once a week, for 15 minutes, and whose conversations revolve around grades and having enough money to live from week to week. Personally, I think that it is actually very normal for one’s relationship to deepen with his or her mother as she or he gets older, and if you don’t appreciate your mother’s pearls of wisdom just quite yet (I didn’t, I thought she was full of it) you will probably come around one lousy afternoon when life seems impossible, you are lonely, your boyfriend has dropped you, and you’re failing all of your classes.
If you don’t feel comfortable opening up to your mother just quite yet, then don’t. Sometimes the dynamic shift from mother to mothering friend is a little hard to swallow and very awkward. You only have to volunteer as much information as you care to share. Leave the rest of your unmentionables for everyone else who is still stuck down here on your level!
Best of luck!
Fact o’ the Day.On average, a man will speak only 2,000 to 4,000 words per day, whereas the average woman will speak 6,000 to 8,000 words each day.
Please send probing inquiries to DearV@hotmail.com or drop V a line in her box in the office of The Hurricane. All questions and comments will remain anonymous. V. is a senior majoring in psychology and creative writing.