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Dear V

Dear V,

I have been hooking up with this guy on and off for the past two years. Our relationship has spanned his two girlfriends, and even when he had these girlfriends we were still hooking up. Secretly, I think that I’ve had feelings for this guy all along, and obviously I was hurt when he had these girlfriends, who I’m pretty sure had no idea that their boyfriend was cheating. The problem is that he will totally ignore me in public when he’s out with his friends, and then call me up after he’s managed to ignore me to tell me that he wants to see me. Whenever I try and approach this topic with him, he doesn’t want to talk about it. I feel like he is sending me so many mixed signals. Doesn’t it mean something that he cheated on these girlfriends of his with me? I guess I just don’t understand why we can’t be together, especially since we hook up at least once a week. I am really confused about all of this. Please help!

Dear Reader,

Two years? Jesus! Get rid of this guy! He sounds pretty scummy to me, and you are letting him waste your time when you could be doing way more productive things like meeting actual quality people.

It’s rather ironic that he’s the one who has been in the relationships when I’m pretty sure that you’re really after a relationship yourself. So, while you’ve been saving yourself up for this guy, he’s been out pursuing other commitment-friendly avenues. I hate to be the bearer of bad news here, but you are not in a relationship with this guy, and it is highly improbable that you will be if you let him continue these affairs on his terms. You are his “go to” girl, the one who’s proved through her actions that she will always be around because you haven’t failed to not be around in the past. This might come as a really harsh reality check to you, but don’t you think that if he wanted a relationship with you then those two girlfriends of his would never have existed in the first place? Ouch, I’m sorry, but somebody had to let the cat out of the bag.

I am aware of the fact that you likely have a good two years of stormy emotions and one-sided history with this guy. Needless to say, tearing yourself apart from him and all of your delusions of what he has represented to you during this time is going to be pretty tough. I am not trying to make you feel like you are a complete psycho because you are not; plenty of girls happily make themselves so readily available and then expect something in return from someone that they are casually hooking up with. You feel like he is sending you these mixed signals because you interpret his attention as a sign that he likes you when he interprets your “fun” hook ups as little more than a physical act. So, pretty much you’re giving a lot without getting much in return, and if you haven’t gotten what you need and deserve from this guy after two years, it’s just not going to happen. My best advice is to quit this thing cold turkey because there’s no way that you’re going to get over him if you go about it any other way.

Best of luck!

V.

Fact o’ the Day.According to a Columbia University study, only 26 percent of women who were cohabitating with a future spouse and only 19 percent of men who were cohabitating with a future spouse actually ended up marrying that future spouse.

Please send probing inquiries to DearV@hotmail.com or drop V a line in her box in the office of The Hurricane. All questions and comments will remain anonymous.

V. is a senior majoring in psychology and creative writing.

March 31, 2006

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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.