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Dear V

Dear V,

This is kind of an embarrassing revelation, but I think that I might be a slut. I never intentionally go out to find someone to hook up with, but it just always seems like it happens. Maybe I do intentionally go out to find someone to hook up with? I really don’t know. Anyway, my behavior has turned into a major problem because I constantly see these guys all around school, and I’m really embarrassed because these hookups are usually just one-night encounters. I never know how to react afterwards when I see these guys, so I usually just pretend like I don’t see them. I feel horrible about my behavior, but I also feel like I am out of control. I used to think that I was just having fun because it is a lot of fun to meet new people, but recently, I’m not so sure if I feel the same way. Am I a slut?

Rabbit

Dear Reader,

It seems to me as if you’ve become acquainted with the vicious underbelly of our modern “hook up” culture: feelings. Though it is a painful realization to discover that you may have emotional attachment and serious feelings for a hookup the morning after, I am specifically referring to the way that you feel about yourself and your actions when you are lying naked in an unfamiliar bed with a virtual stranger the morning after. Let’s be honest, the scenario described above has happened to almost everyone at least once. At first, I think that we all have a tendency to brush off our own embarrassment because if everyone else is doing it, then really, it’s nothing. Yet, when your penchant for completely random hookups has become a nightly affair you cannot help but hit the point where you feel pretty lousy about yourself.

I could digress here about the stud/slut double standard or talk about how it requires a stoic’s strength to engage in this kind of behavior, but I literally do not think that it is possible for many women to engage in this kind of behavior and not wake up the next morning feeling lousy or with some kind of expectation for future commitment from the guy in question. Sure, lots of women claim that they are in it solely for no questions asked, no strings attached sex, but how many women can really say that they don’t feel at least a twinge of disappointment when the hookup doesn’t call? In my opinion, there aren’t many. And, even for those with hearts of steel, I do think that there comes a time when one realizes that random hook ups have not been doing her a favor, and when she figures that out she will likely hate men and hate herself for allowing men to degrade her.

Besides purchasing an authentic chastity belt, I think the best way to stop your self-destructive behavior is to figure out not only why you unintentionally seek out random hook ups, but also what it is that you are lacking in yourself that causes you to “go with the flow.” Perhaps you enjoy random hookups because you enjoy the attention-a very justified reason-but why is it that you need the attention, and in what other areas of your life is it lacking?

Best of luck,

V.

Fact o’ the Day.When kissing, 65 percent of kissers are more likely to lean their heads to the right than to the left.

Please send probing inquiries to DearV@hotmail.com or drop V a line in her box in the office of The Hurricane. All questions and comments will remain anonymous.

V. is a senior majoring in psychology and creative writing

March 10, 2006

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The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.