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Dear V – Being stuck in a social rut can be a sign of a self-esteem glitch

Dear V,

My problem is starting to impact my social life severely: I just don’t have an interest in meeting new people. I have little desire to go out, and when I do, I am extremely bored. I never used to be like this. I used to love people and meeting new people. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m not drinking enough that makes me want to leave as soon as I get to the bar. Even when I’m approached by people, I don’t want to talk to them! I can be really nasty too, and when my friends don’t want to leave when I do, I get really annoyed with them and storm off! I don’t know what has gotten into me, but it needs to change or else I think that I’m going to end up friendless.

Bitch.

Dear Reader,

There’s nothing like being in a social rut to make you feel like you are the meanest, most isolated weirdo alive. Often if you have had a bad day, it’s understandable if you don’t feel like talking to or meeting new people. Furthermore, sometimes our cliquey, complacent (though content) mindsets say our comfort zone of friends is sufficient when in reality, a new acquaintance will not cause any of us any harm. Who knows, that guy you meet at the bar might be the one that you end up spending the rest of your life with.

So, what is it that has totally dried you up into captain no fun? I think that we may be able to chalk up this sudden change in attitude toward people to a self-esteem glitch. It’s very easy, especially in a city that emphasizes beauty and glamour over personality and substance, to feel like you are a) not good enough to meet new people or b) not good enough to meet new people. And if you know that you’re not cool enough to talk to Rico Suave, then why bother because you’re only going to embarrass yourself feel like a loser, and why would he want to talk to you anyway? Doesn’t he know that you’re not cool enough for him?…Phew. Isn’t it easy to get caught up in this kind of logic? To complicate things further, if you’re surrounded by the comfort of your friends, they can serve as a buffer between you and your insecurities. That is, unless, they still really enjoy meeting new people. If your friends are social butterflies, then it wouldn’t be surprising if you’ve become the person who sits alone on the bar stool with “unapproachable, BEWARE!” plastered all over your forehead.

In order to get to the root of your problem, you must do a little self-analysis. Could it be that you are afraid to talk to people because of your past? Ding, ding, ding! Could it be that maybe you’ve been burned in the past? Ding, ding, ding! If your self-revelations become too heady to take, then perhaps you ought to take a little trip to the counseling center to sort things out.

Best of luck!

V.

Fact o’ the day.In any given year, one in three U.S. women will read a romance novel.

Please send probing inquiries to dearv@hotmail.com or drop V a line in her box in the office of The Hurricane. All questions and comments will remain anonymous.

V. is a senior majoring in psychology and creative writing.

March 3, 2006

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The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly on Thursdays during the regular academic year.