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Dear V – On the stressful third-date dealmaker, girls walk a fine line

Dear V,

I’ve been seeing this guy that I know really likes me. We’ve only known one another for a week, and he’s taken me out on dates and calls me at least once a day. I have gone back to his place too. However, I’m kind of confused about one thing: How soon is too soon to sleep with somebody new? I think I like him a lot, I just don’t want to destroy whatever potential we have.

The Third Date

Dear Reader,

I gather from your letter that you might be approaching the infamous third date, otherwise known as the dealmaker. I don’t think that there is a person who hasn’t been exposed to the old mantra that if you have any intentions of pursuing something a little more serious than a hookup then you should not seal the deal before the third date, and if it’s all smooth sailing on dates one and two, then date number three is “the night.” Likewise, if all that you’re after is an occasional booty call, then feel free to do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it. Yeah, those old stand-by rules are great and everything, but I’m not quite convinced that they are more rule and less exception; I know of many serious couples who broke and bended these rules and couldn’t be happier.

In my opinion, girls walk a seriously fine line between being a prude and being a slutty slut slut. If you’re seeing someone who is looking for nothing more than pure sex (and there are so many!) he will go to almost any level to get it, including wining and dining you and the whole bit. I have witnessed some seriously unfortunate cases where the guy went so far as to continue on a long distance “friendship” complete with the requisite nightly phone calls only to leave her high and dry after their one night together. He never called her again. Ouch. In this case, both the playa and the game lacked heart and soul.

I don’t think you can ever know if he is in it solely for the sex until you do the deed with him, and even then, who knows. Once you do the dirty, you relinquish your control, and if he doesn’t want you, the game is over and you’ve lost. However, a lot of girls for lack of other options don’t have a problem playing along. Of course, if you play the virginal card for too long, you run the risk of him losing interest in you and getting it somewhere else. I think that it’s such a sham when these celebrity couples announce that they’re saving themselves for marriage because you know that either they’re totally lying to the world or he’s getting it from someone else on the sly.

Anyways, I digress. In your particular situation it seems on the surface that he is actually interested in you. It seems really unlikely that he would call you on a daily basis, and not just on the weekend, or at some ungodly late hour, if he were only after sex and not you. Furthermore, a date? My God, I think that you may have hit the jackpot on this one!

Best of luck!

V.

Fact o’ the Day.Only three percent of animal species are monogamous, humans not included.

Please send probing inquiries to DearV@hotmail.com or drop V a line in her box in the office of The Hurricane. All questions and comments will remain anonymous.

V. is a senior majoring in psychology and creative writing.

February 24, 2006

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Student newspaper at the University of Miami


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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.