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Dear V – It’s that ‘special time,’ and he has a hankering for ‘intimate acts’

Dear V.,

Ever since I have started reading The Hurricane I have been looking forward to your column! You are amazing and you have given me a lot of good help in the past. Now, I think, it’s my turn to ask you for advice.

I have been in a wonderful relationship for the past two years now and have enjoyed a sex life all my sisters and friends are envious of. Unfortunately, my boyfriend is very attracted to me during my period. I, on the other hand, find my body absolutely disgusting during those five days. My boyfriend has already agreed to use a condom when we have sex during that time of the month but I have had very little success in convincing him not to perform other intimate acts on me (partly because I am enjoying that part of our intimate relationship a lot). What is the best way to tell him to keep his nose out of my affairs during my special time?

Thanks!

Dear Reader,

Thank you so much for the kind words. I’m glad that I have at least one fan out there! But, as for the problem at hand, it’s fairly normal for your boyfriend to be attracted to you more or less depending on the time of the month and your menstrual cycle. Though I only have a few credits of freshman year bio to my name, I have read several journal articles on the subject of pheromones, hormones and sexual attraction. FYI, just in case you don’t have a clue, a pheromone is a chemical emitted by an organism that serves to evoke some kind of behavior (sexual or other) in a fellow organism. The existence of pheromones in human beings is still a debated topic, however the existence and excretion of pheromones is a possible explanation as to why women who live together tend to have the same cycles. Interestingly enough, yet another study hypothesizes that a man may actually be able to detect (through pheromones) when a woman is at her most fertile-when she is ovulating-and he will actually find her the most alluring at this time; thank you, evolution.

Moving away from the strictly biological to the psychological realm, I think that a lot of girls, and guys too, can sympathize with the fact that, well, periods are gross, awkward and can be a big freakin’ inconvenience in bed! Strangely enough, engaging in sex during your period can actually result in a heightened orgasm because of the increased blood flow to the pelvic region during menstruation…that is, if you can wrap your mind around the messy, self-conscious aspects of the bloody deed! Though it seems like you and your boyfriend could easily compromise on this matter-just sex and nothing else during those days-it doesn’t really seem like you have that big of a problem with the fact that he is doing this to you, since you readily admit that you enjoy it! As opposed to concentrating on the negative aspects, why don’t you just try and relax a little bit more? If the smell really bothers you, perhaps you should try lighting a strongly scented candle or something similar. Of course, you could just say “no,” or push him away if you’re totally turned off.

Best of luck!

V.

Fact o’ the Day.More Americans lose their virginity in June than during any other month of the year.

Please send probing inquiries to DearV@hotmail.com or drop V a line in her box in the office of The Hurricane. All questions and comments will remain anonymous.

V. is a senior majoring in psychology and creative writing.

February 10, 2006

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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.