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Dear V

Dear V,

My problem is that I fall in love very easily and I don’t want to hurt anyone. I am currently talking to eight girls…as girlfriends, and most of them are long distance. However, each one has a different culture, flavor and attitude that I just don’t want to give up. Also, monetary and sexual preferences play a huge part in why I can’t break it off with any of them. I find my time consumed with arguing and trying to keep each happy. I am in love with eight women!

What should I do? I am going crazy! And I want Valentine’s Day to be special.

Overextended

Dear Reader,

You remind me of that Lil’ Kim song, “Magic Stick.” Abundant blessings and something else have certainly rained down on you! Must be tough to be a Don Juan Casanova-type.

Anyhow, I find it a little hard to believe that you are in love with eight different women. You must spend so much of your life on the phone! How do you have the time to do anything at all when you’re constantly chained to the whims of these ladies? When I pare down your problem, it actually seems kind of, well, pathetic. What is it that keeps you wanting so much more? I mean, I know that variety is the spice of life, but come on! It’s far more plausible that you are falling in lust with these girls. Lust is fleeting. True love is not.

I reason (if it is at all possible with this kind of excess) that you must be a completely indecisive nincompoop, a nymphomaniac, a jerk, or someone that is really difficult to impress. Secretly, I don’t think that you truly like any of the girls that you are dating, because you undoubtedly would have decided maybe at like girl number three or four, that you were actually truly and madly in love with girl number two. I think that you need to drop all of these ladies-don’t worry, I’m sure that you won’t have problems meeting more!-and start all over again. But, when beginning anew, be picky! Try putting a little more energy into thinking with your brain next time you meet someone as opposed to solely relying on your little friend. And, this is a terrible thing for me to say, but if you are not truly interested in a girl, then do not talk to her and do not let yourself get sucked into something so easily! All I can say, is that I would hate to know that I was one of eight special girls. Yechhh.

Best of luck! (because you really need it!)

V.

Fact o’ the day.A man’s testicles can increase in size by 50 percent when aroused.

Please send probing inquiries to DearV@hotmail.com or drop V a line in her box in the office of The Hurricane. All questions and comments will remain anonymous.

V. is a senior majoring in psychology and creative writing.

January 31, 2006

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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.