Having guys over doesn’t mix with religious roommate

Dear V,

I have a problem. I have this roommate; we didn’t exactly get along from the start. She is really religious, never goes out and stays in the room a lot. I am her complete opposite, and I like to go out. I am definitely not religious at all. So, the other night, I had too much to drink and ended up bringing back a guy to the room. She clearly woke up because she hasn’t spoken to me since that night! All of my friends keep telling me to switch rooms, but I don’t want to move all of my stuff! I hate living in a room with so much tension!

Inappropriate booty call

Dear Reader,

I don’t know if you need to feel quite as guilty as you do. You brought a guy back to your room. Don’t forget that it is just as much your room as it is hers. Do you get all hot and bothered when she begins to recite her prayers or when she stays cooped up all day in the dorms? Probably not, but why not? Let’s just say, and this is not for purposes of revenge, that perhaps it’s time to point out how her behavior can indeed be equally as offensive as yours was to her. It’s not a bad idea. Her behavior, after all, affects you too.

When you share a room with someone who you don’t exactly like, but kind of do because there is no point blank reason for disliking her, things can be a lot tougher; if you could not stand this girl, I’m sure that you would have requested a room change a month ago. Furthermore, this heinous crime that you have committed is not criminal and is practically routine if not considered compulsory behavior on today’s college campuses. You brought a guy back to the room. Big whoop.

So, it’s time to have a wee talk with your roomie to sort things out. Keep in mind that summoning her for the chat will be painful and awkward and probably the most difficult part of the entire talk. Once you have both managed to sit down, apologize and let her know that you are truly sorry for your behavior. It might not be a bad idea to point out that you don’t have any intentions of moving just in case she was banking on you leaving. But you must point out that you are definitely allowed to bring back whomever you please to the room because it is just as much yours as it is hers. It might be a good idea to establish a few rules, i.e. that you won’t bring anyone back when she has a test the next day or that you’ll give her a call before you bring someone back. Whatever, it’s hard to be practical when it comes to “the heat of the moment,” but at least it will let her know that you’re trying really hard to respect her. If she balks at your respectful suggestions in selfish disdain, then that’s her problem.

Best of luck!


Dear V,

I have a bone to pick with you. At the end of your latest column in The Hurricane, you state that, “Aphallatosis is a mental disorder that results from the lack of a sex life.” That is not quite true: the formal definition is a dissatisfaction with one’s sex life that descends into mental illness. It is entirely possible to remain celibate and be satisfied with it.

The only reason I am concerned is because it has become very fashionable in recent decades to pathologize anyone who swears off sexual activity, either permanently or until marriage. I know this is totally anecdotal, but for what it’s worth, I attend a traditionalist Roman Catholic Church where celibacy is still prized and fornication condemned, and rarely do I encounter such harmonious communities or happy families elsewhere.

I can’t speak from personal experience, but from what my friends have told me, sex is fun-albeit not quite what it’s cracked up to be. Certainly it’s not essential, unless of course we’re talking in terms of our species’ imperative to reproduce and therefore survive.

Dear Reader,

Bone well picked, and point well received. I apologize for the discrepancy, and chocolate-covered kudos to finding your happiness wherever you can.

With all due respect,


Fact O’ the Day…The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

Please send probing inquiries to DearV@hotmail.com or drop V a line in her box in the office of The Hurricane. All questions and comments will remain anonymous.

September 27, 2005


The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami

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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly on Thursdays during the regular academic year.