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Reader tries to remain upbeat as friends desert her

Dear V,

I am having really big problems with my friends. All of a sudden they seem to have ditched me! I’ll see them out, and they won’t even say hello to me. Even when I try to make the effort, they don’t respond. I’m not lonely, I have a boyfriend and lots of other friends, but I thought that these people who have deserted me were my best friends. What did I do wrong?

Friendless

Dear Reader,

I have no idea what you did wrong. But, I do know that it’s time for you to move beyond these worthless people. It’s a bit savage to apply the saying “don’t put all of your eggs into one basket,” to people (especially friends), but I think that it’s a good principle with which to guide a social life.

If you fancy yourself a kind and forgiving person, you might confront your ex-friends and ask for an answer; yet if you believe in your own self-serving retribution, it’s time to find some new friends.

I’m sure that you know that you don’t deserve to be treated so lousily by anyone, blah blah blah. But, why is it that people get the twisted notion within that they can treat YOU like crap? It’s a good question, one that spans the history of brutish man and one that deserves to be examined.

Do you let people walk all over you? Do you put in 150 percent to your relationships without asking for just as much in return? Hmmmm. Do you understand what I’m trying to get at here-the way that people treat you is indicative of how you let them treat you, a.k.a. if you let people walk all over you, they will. If you put up with people’s ish, they will give you tons of it to shovel.

Nobody has the license to treat others without empathy, though understandably it takes a great conscious effort to be empathetic.

And, if it happens that you find yourself stuck in some shabby, petty friendship, please remember that what goes around, does definitely come back around.

Best of luck!

V.

Dear V,

I have heard that guys really like big nipples. Is this true?

Dear Reader,

Oy. If you have the time to dwell upon such trifling matters, I believe that you must also find the time to make a more substantial life for yourself. But, in any case, relying upon my totally unreliable sources, yes, it is true that guys apparently like big nipples. However, if you happen to be the sole proprietor of a set of small nips, who cares? I am not aware of any kind of cosmetic procedure for nipple enlargement, and if one does exist, God help us.

The point is this: do not sell yourself short because your nipples do not need their own racy bra. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, just like hair color, teeth, big butts and cankles. Accept yourself and be thankful that you have small nips as opposed to none.

Best of luck!

V.

Fact O’ the Day…Apparently, the word “testimony” comes from the Romans’ practice of putting their hands on their testicles to take an oath.

Please send probing inquiries to dearv@hotmail.com or drop V a line in her box in the office of The Hurricane. All questions and comments will remain anonymous.

September 13, 2005

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The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.