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In love, being late in the game doesn’t make you out for the count

Dear V.,

I have struggled with being single for as long as I can remember. I am very ambitious and career-oriented. I am very confident and respect myself, yet when it comes to the opposite sex, I have no self-esteem.

For the life of me, I cannot tell a guy that I am even slightly interested in him. I’d rather wait for a guy to pursue me, because then I’ll know that he really likes me. Why waste my time on a guy who won’t treat me right?

Apparently, I’m picky. I know what I want and then I may start flirting. I just don’t agree with promiscuous and outwardly flirty girls. I want to be respected for being me. I personally think I’m an interesting person, so I can get extremely depressed when I realize I’m a 19-year-old girl who’s never even been kissed, let alone gone on a date.

I keep up with my appearance, yet am constantly friends with beautiful girls who continually have boyfriends. I get to be the third wheel and feel more like shit when guys ignore me around my beautiful friends (at least I’ve learned all about relationships along the way). This really screwed up my high school experience by leading me to overanalyze everything (i.e.: Why does my ditzy best friend meet the nicest guys?). Luckily, college is going just fine and I don’t dwell on these issues as much. At least I can’t get pregnant!

I really love who I am and where I’m going in life (I’m studying to produce for television). I’ve always been more mature and hard-working than my peers. But, why does everybody have a significant other? I can hardly watch romantic comedies and The OC without feeling like crap. Without these past 19 years of practice, will I be even less developed (romantically, physically, emotionally, etc.)?

Partnerless and Pissed

Dear Reader,

Well, clearly it’s time to make some ugly friends-just kidding! I don’t think that there is a girl out there who couldn’t relate to what you’re going through, everyone goes through a rut; most of my best friends in high school were either serial daters or constantly in long-term relationships and many of those girls are now in the same spot that you’re in, kind of wondering just what the hell is wrong with them.

Because I was always the third wheel, I just kind of accepted and enjoyed my position as the singleton in my social circle, even though going to the movies with my best friend and her boyfriend wasn’t exactly my cup of tea.

You have to admit that there are definitely advantages to being the token single girl, a.k.a. you’re not obliged to put up with another person’s crap, though I can understand why you feel like you’re so behind in the game compared to your peers. But, and I really can’t reiterate this more, while it might seem that everyone from your grandma to the annoying girl who lives next door to you has a significant other, it’s not true. There are far more single people in existence than you’d like to imagine, and a lot of people whom you would naturally assume have boyfriends do not.

There are definitely two tiny problems that you must nip in the bud if you want to get out of this 19-year rut: your self esteem and your itsy-bitsy jealousy problem. Why are you so scared of taking this “huge” risk and flirting a little bit? Is it because you’re afraid of where it might lead? Is it because you’re afraid that you might make a fool out of yourself because of your lack of experience or is it because you secretly suspect that you’re not worth his time like your gorgeous friends are? Let loose and step out of your comfort zone. Even seasoned pros get flustered and nervous when it comes to the opposite sex, yet they have the confidence in themselves to take it to the next level. You know, and your friends know (or else they wouldn’t give you the time of day) how awesome you are, so why don’t you want to share that wealth with some extremely lucky guy? Believe in yourself just a little bit more and you will shine with the boys, if not in every single area in your life.

Oh yeah, another little tid-bit: Guys are way more attracted to confident girls who know that they’re important and ridiculously hot stuff. Who would want to date a weepy downer? There is a certain aura that surrounds a confident girl that naturally makes them far more attractive to everyone around them.

Now, please do not be jealous of the characters on The OC. They are not real people. Do not waste your precious time feeling shitty about yourself because Jennifer Aniston/Mischa Barton/run-of-the-mill lead female character has some dopey guy pining after her. I must repeat, real life doesn’t work the way that television shows and movies do.

And another thing, contrary to popular belief-you are not the only 19-year-old girl who has not kissed a boy, possesses a wild and crazy sex life, or even has a boyfriend. True story: A gorgeous, blond friend of a friend waited to find mister right because no one else that she had met was worth her time, met him one night in the buff (and he’s pretty smokin’) form of a former male model who appeared in several ad campaigns, lost her blushing innocence damn near close to 30 and has been happily married to Mr. Right for years. The moral of my little anecdote is that pickiness is not a bad thing, obviously.

Also, you are not some kind of impaired human being for never having kissed a boy. I think that anyone would agree that it is far better to be a slightly sexually inexperienced girl than it is to be pathetically over-sexed and boy-dependent. If you hang in there just a little more, up your confidence level, and prepare yourself for the risk, you will probably break your rut tenfold.

Best,

V.

Fact O’ The Day…According to a survey, approximately 58 percent of those in the working world have had at least one romantic rendezvous with a co-worker…

Please submit all questions, comments or concerns to DearV@hotmail.com or to the Dear V box in the offices of The Hurricane. All submissions are strictly confidential. Dear V. is published on Tuesdays and Fridays, and yes, V will respond to almost (don’t push it) anything.

April 26, 2005

Reporters

The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.