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Boyfriend jealous over dancing at birthday party should get over it

Dear V,

Recently it was my girlfriend’s birthday and for a celebration, her friends decided to have a male stripper “perform” at her party. I’m not a jealous person by nature, but this still doesn’t stop me from becoming slightly green when I think about what might have happened at this shin-dig. She insists that it was nothing, but I still get the impression that when she and I are together intimately, she is thinking about him instead of me. What should I do?

Jealous

Dear Reader,

Oy vey, have you ever seen a male stripper live and in person, not in the movies or on television? Not to not give credit where credit is due, but it’s really not all Chippendale glory, greasy pecs and spectacular feats of gyration. Actually, nix that last part, because they’re pretty decent with the one-two thrust, but then again, I’m sure that you’re not too terrible either considering that you’ve managed to snag yourself a girlfriend. Anyway, the most wonderful part of seeing a stripper perform is just that; it’s a performance. Any way you put it, he’s a dollar-bill pounding, oversexed illusion clad in his man g-string. That’s really all there is to him. And word to the wise, they’re not all hairless, perfect bodies either. An unfortunate personal experience-I witnessed a nasty case of butt-ne on Fireman Fred, a.k.a. acne on the cheeks, people! Gross! Who wants to pay for that, especially if they can find such spectacular feats of nature on their own boyfriends? Just kidding!

But seriously, no respectable and sane girl would ever substitute Rico “the Sex Slave” Suave for the comforts of her boyfriend. You see, Rico rips off his Velcro pants several times a night for many, many, many ladies who are just looking for some disease free fun. If Rico only tears off his wifebeater for one girl because she wants to take him home, Rico loses the big bucks, and Rico can’t pay his rent. You have absolutely no reason to be jealous of Rico. He is not a threat to your manliness or your relationship. If we were talking about the newly single Brad Pitt here, you might have a little more reason to be concerned. But, we’re not. So, get over it.

Oh yeah, and props to your girlfriend for having a life! Isn’t it great to know that you’ve decided to dedicate a portion of yourself to an independent someone who knows how to have a good, clean, “I’m not cheatin’ on you” time? Really, how not cool would that be if she decided to forgo her stripper experience because she was concerned about what her boyfriend might think of it? Yeah, exactly, she’d be headed straight to Loserville, where all of her fun and former friends would decidedly burn her at the stake for being so damn lame. Be thankful, and learn how to control your pesky insecurities. I would hate to see the kind of state that you’re in when the Bachelorette Party rolls around.

Best,

V.

Dear V,

I consider myself to be a calm and level-headed person, but I’ve stumbled upon a problem that has me at wit’s end! Last week, my boyfriend invited me over to his apartment, where he said he had a “surprise” waiting for me. When I arrived at his place, I found him wearing nothing but a lacy bra and panties. Talk about a surprise! I was so stunned that I couldn’t do anything but excuse myself and leave. Now that I’ve thought things through, I feel terrible about running out when he revealed such a personal thing about himself. I’ve tried to apologize to my boyfriend, but he won’t return my phone calls. What can I do to show him that I’m truly sorry and that I accept whatever kinky fetishes he may have?

Confused about Cross-dressing

Dear Reader,

No shit you were scared. I think that anyone would be a little freaked out, especially since it seems as if his little fetish came straight out of the blue. I just hope that he didn’t steal a lacy set from you! Then, we might have bigger problems on our hands. A klepto cross dresser? Hmm.

OK, just to give you a little briefer on what exactly the cross-dressing fetish entails: basically, “transvestic fetishism” as the scientists say, involves a man becoming sexually aroused when he wears women’s clothing. Transvestic fetishism only occurs in heterosexual men, but in some cases, the man actually becomes more attracted to the clothes than to his partner. Likewise, it is a fairly common fetish, and most cross-dressers will marry, have children and hold jobs typically stereotyped as being masculine. Unfortunately, transvestic fetishism is likely to become a big problem in a lot of relationships, as it already seems to have in yours.

What’s really cool though is that you’re willing to give his freakyness a second chance. I’m not so sure that most young girls, ahem, young women would be so accepting and ready to incorporate his fetish into the relationship. I think the best way to win him back is to pretty much march over to his house and confront him face to face. He’s not picking up your phone calls and sending a love letter might be a tad passive at this point. The best way to show that you care is to try to put things back together. As much as you want to believe that you’ve done all you can do, the ball is still in your court considering the sensitive nature of the issue. His ego is undoubtedly still insanely bruised, and it’s your responsibility to kind of nurture him back to regular boyfriend state. Be aggressive, apologize, bake him cupcakes, even take him to Vicky’s Secret -your treat! As long as you show him that you’re ready to approach his fetish on his terms, you’ll be back to golden status. Enough said.

Best,

V.

Fact O’ The Day…Watch out E-Harmony lovers, As many as 30 percent of people who list their profiles on online dating sites are either married or in relationships…

Please submit all questions, comments or concerns to DearV@hotmail.com or to the Dear V box in the offices of The Hurricane. All submissions are strictly confidential. Dear V. is published on Tuesdays and Fridays, and yes, V will respond to almost anything.

April 19, 2005

Reporters

The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.