Untying a controlling boyfriend’s ropes

Dear V,

My boyfriend likes to tie me up to my loft during sex. Something about the bondage really drives him crazy! I really don’t mind doing it because he likes it so much, but when I ask to tie him up, he flat out refuses! He really hasn’t given me an explanation about why he’s the only one who is allowed to tie, but I suspect that it might have something to do with the fact that he likes to be in control. The only thing is, now that I know he won’t let me tie him up, I’m kind of nervous about telling him to stop. I don’t want this to be a sore issue between the two of us.

All Tied Up

Dear Reader,

Um, moron, you’re scared of telling your boyfriend-the person with whom you share your complete self-that you want him to stop tying you up? Wow. Ladies, ladies, ladies, it’s time to grow some balls and foster some self esteem, because this totally passive attitude is going to get you nowhere in life but to a battered women’s shelter or an early grave. I know that sounds extreme right now, but if you let guys put their strangely controlling powers upon you, they’re going to go right ahead. I’m assuming that you’ve heard the saying “give an inch, take a mile,” and that’s kind of what you’re letting him do to you. Sure, today it’s all innocent bondage fun and games, but tomorrow who knows!? And will you have the guts to say “no!”? Probably not.

I hope that you realize that you’re training yourself to live a wishy washy, passive life where everything is beyond your control. Do you let your professors get away when they’ve mistakenly graded your papers? Do you let your friends borrow your clothes and not say anything when they’ve trashed your favorite shirt? Hopefully, you see what I’m getting at; the way in which you allow yourself to be treated by others is a reflection of how highly or lowly you think of yourself. The amount of respect that you have for yourself shows in every area of your life. Essentially, the decisions you make to speak up or shut up shape the ways in which other people perceive you. Don’t let other people victimize you because you’re too scared to speak up for yourself. Teach yourself self-respect and others will treat you better.

As for this bondage issue, obviously your boyfriend has serious a need to dominate and be in control. It’s not that the practice of bondage is highly unusual- everyone has his or her own fetish-even though it’s kind of creepy that you practice his on an unstable loft. Stand your territory and fight! If he denies you your right to tie him up and refuses to stop tying you up, then screw him. He can find someone else to tickle and torture! Maybe you should start practicing the Kama Sutra, though; it’s far gentler, and those rope burns on your wrists will disappear in no time.

Best of Luck,


Fact O’ the Day…The absolute record for most male orgasms is 16…in one hour! Oy! XXXstasy!!!!!!

Dear V is published every Tuesday and Friday. All submissions and inquiries are kept completely confidential. V can be contacted at DearV@hotmail.com or through the office of The Hurricane.

March 25, 2005


The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami

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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly on Thursdays during the regular academic year.