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No “butts” about it: a controlling boyfriend’s strange request

Dearest V,

I just started having sex with my boyfriend of three weeks. So far, the sex is great-but my man has made a few strange requests lately, and I’m not sure how to react. First, he asked me to shave my nether region, which was no big deal to me. Then he told me that I should update my underwear collection, and even bought me a few matching sets (sweet!). The problem is-this is kind of embarrassing-he suggested I go into a spa for something called “anal bleaching”. What are the risks with this process? Can it damage my plumbing??

Please help!!

Too dark down there

Dear Reader,

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh, anal bleaching? My, oh my. How, err, interesting!

Well, this really is quite an unusual topic. In fact, I’ve never been asked about anal bleaching by anyone. But, let’s see if I can help. Apparently, and for only obvious reasons I think, the skin around the anus gets darker with age. Yum. Anal bleaching is a fairly new fad, but again, for unknown reasons, is picking up popularity with people who want the cleanest looking tushies. I am neither advocating the practice of anal bleaching, nor am I discouraging the practice, but I just don’t know what kind of reputable spa would engage in such a service! You might have to whiten up your own butthole, but I don’t know and in fact highly doubt that CVS would sell such a “do it at home” style kit. Whatever you do, don’t splash detergent grade bleach up there. It will burn a lot and severely irritate that delicate portion of skin.

I think, though, that there is a deeper issue at play here. Your boyfriend told you to clean up your act down there, and you did. He wanted you to update the lingerie collection, and you had no qualms. If he wanted you to jump off a cliff naked, would you do that too? Why is it that you feel so obliged to fulfill his requests? Does he fulfill yours too, or are you automatically expected to comply with his boyfriend wants? If you’re only bleaching yourself for him, and for no other reason, then maybe he might have some control issues over you. Watch out!

Best of Luck,

V.

Dear V,

I recently found out that my former best friend set up a blog for the sole purpose of talking behind my back! I don’t know if I should confront her about it or just let it be.

Doormat

Dear Reader,

Put that evil bitch in her place! If you don’t stand up for yourself, what the hell does that say about you? Not only would I not want to be friends with this waste of a human, but I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who thinks so lowly of herself that she cowers at the mention of the word “conflict.” Ooooh, I’m biting my nails right now.

Really now, I pity your choice in best friends. Who makes friends with the kind of moron who does her smack talking online?! Like, please, putting up nasty comments about other people that you actually know is a slick move. Ugh. People these days! Think people, think! Not only is it a dumb move, but it’s immature too. I think that everyone could take a lesson from the “Dealing with your beef mano a mano” class. Naturally, you could too! Stand up for yourself and let her know what you think. Speak your mind lady! And don’t save the drama for your mama, throw it in your fool of an ex-friend’s face.

Best of Luck,

V.

Fact O’ the Day…According to Men’s Health magazine, the average guy has sex once a week if he’s single, twice a week if he’s married, and three times a week if he’s a male whore…

Please submit all questions, comments or concerns to DearV@hotmail.com or to the Dear V box in the offices of The Hurricane. All submissions are strictly confidential. Dear V. is published on Tuesdays and Fridays, and yes, V will respond to almost (don’t push it) anything.

March 4, 2005

Reporters

The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.