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Dear V – The nice guy who girls only want to be friends with will get luckier

Dear V,

I am a single male freshman who has been having trouble finding a relationship. Everyone keeps telling me my problem is that I’m too nice. It is just my natural character to be kind, and when I meet a girl I’m interested in, I try not to rush things. I’ll hang out with her, help her study, loan her money, bring her gifts, and I have actually let girls borrow my car a few times. In fact, I really have never said “no” to anything I’ve been asked. I’m willing to do anything. When I ask them out, though, the result is always the same; I get the “let’s just be friends” speech. I am always happy to have friends, but what really bothers me is how the girls who reject me end up going out with total jerks that treat them like crap, and show them no respect. I can’t understand why this keeps happening. Is there a reason why girls always seem to go after the bad boy, and not the sensitive nice guy?

I would appreciate any advice you could give me. I really don’t enjoy always having to be alone on Valentine’s Day.

Lonely and Frustrated

Dear Reader,

Your beauty breaks my heart. And though I’m sure that you’ve heard these words spoken on countless occasions, these girls that you’re going after just don’t know what they are missing out on-this is a truth that you can never let go of. If you forget your own worth, the game of love will surely gobble you up alive.

So, considering that your question pertains to why it is that girls go after the bad guys and not the good guys, then here is a question for you: Why do the guys seem to go after the girls who reek of Eau de Skank or Eau de Bore? Yeah, I have no idea why either. What I am sure of, however, is that much of the romance dance is a big, sickening game and a lot of the thrill lies in the chase. Swallow it up hard-you will always want more of what you know you can’t have because mystery is alluring, and who doesn’t like a fantasy? Girls, especially those on the youngest part of the adulthood spectrum, enjoy the chase just as much as their testosterone fueled counterparts. Yes, there is a sane part of the female brain that knows it will probably get burned in the end by following the bad boy, and yet we, girls, still seem to ignore this. Why? Again, if I knew, I’d probably be a far happier and less jaded person. What would be the fun in romance if it were completely rational?

Lucky for you and for all of the nice, earnest guys like you, the rapidly maturing female-it’s scientific fact!-only needs to head back to the stove a few times (yeah, OK, maybe more than once) to figure out that chasing the bad boy is well not only a waste of time but emotionally draining as well, whereas her male counterpart doesn’t start to wise up until, hmm, do they ever? The dynamics will begin to shift in your favor. In the meantime, you might not want to shower the objects of your affection with gifts and the like. And though I hate to say this because it’s so against my ethos of being, you might want to step up your game a little bit.

Might absence truly make the heart grow fonder?

Best of luck!

V.

Fact o’ the Day. A parthenologist specializes in the study of virgins and virginity.

Please send probing inquiries to DearV@hotmail.com or drop V a line in her box in the office of The Hurricane. All questions and comments will remain anonymous.

V is a senior majoring in psychology and creative writing.

January 27, 2005

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The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.