Dear V Sticky, and kind of fun

Dear V,

I’m in a real sticky situation. Recently, I started crushing on this guy, but I know one of my close friends really likes him. The other night I kissed him. What should I do? Should I tell her?

Sara “Big” Johnson

Dear Sara,

Please, do yourself and your reputation a favor and tell her privately and discreetly. Wouldn’t you rather your friend hear it straight from you, than hear that you and her crush had sex, went to Vegas and are having a love child together? Yeah, I thought so too.

On the other hand, if you and your crush have mouths of steel that are too heavy to open and blabber nonsense, and you’re positive that it was only a one-time kind of deal, you really have absolutely no reason to tell her. But if it’s an ongoing hook up, or something with serious potential written all over it, save her the hurt and you the embarrassment, and tell it to her straight. Please.

Good luck,


Dear V,

I am so sexually deprived that I have recently begun to explore the fascinating world of sex toys. I went to a very shady sex store, purchased a dildo and some awful porn. I gave it a whirl with the dildo, and it definitely doesn’t substitute for a real man. I’ve looked into purchasing a vibrator, but I want to know how I can spice up my masturbation life.

Master of everything, but bation.

Hi Masturbation,

So, you want to know how to pleasure yourself with the greatest of ease?

Quite elementary, my dear little masturbator. First of all, you mentioned that your dildo does not satisfy you the way that the real thing does. Newsflash, a dildo is really not designed to replicate a full sexual experience-it’s pretty hard to compare a living, breathing, warm and grinding human being with a manually operated, strangely flesh colored piece of rubber. I’m hoping and praying (although we both know about the quality of human beings these days) that your dildo does nothing more than help you achieve an orgasm!

Give your dildo a few more whirls, but if you’re really not getting anything out of the experience, I would suggest trying another toy, a.k.a. your friend and everyone else’s too, the vibrator. Approximately 75 percent of women can only achieve orgasm by clitoral stimulation and you might find that a vibrator is more effective than a dildo.

As for your little snafu with the porn, it’s really no wonder that you didn’t have a good viewing experience because I’m sure that you purchased pornography that is meant to stimulate men, but not women. In fact, self-lover, you are in luck. There are several erotic videos made with you, Ms. Masturbator in mind, and yes, they have more content than just grunting naked people running around a room. I would suggest perusing Eve’s Garden (www.evesgarden.com) and Toys in Babeland (www.babeland.com) for new toys and porn, as both companies are run by women and sell products that are primarily made for women too.

Props to self-exploration!


Fact O’ the Day…An estimated one in five Americans – approximately 38 million people – does not like sex….Bleak.

Please submit all questions, comments or concerns to DearV@hotmail.com or to the Dear V box in the offices of the Hurricane. All submissions are strictly confidential. Dear V. is published on Tuesdays and Fridays, and yes, V will respond to almost (don’t push it) anything.

November 5, 2004


The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami

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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly on Thursdays during the regular academic year.