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Etc. Just a friend, or just gay… V has the answers

Dear V,
About a month ago I met this really great guy. We’ve been inseparable ever since. I mean, we cook together, study together, go out together and sleep together – that is stage one drowsiness to stage five R.E.M. sleep! He just got out of a very long-term relationship and even refers to me as his “emotional girlfriend,” but at the same time he sleeps naked with me and is very touchy feely. Nothing physical has happened between the two of us, yet I know for a fact that his ex still exists on the side. I don’t want to ruin our friendship, but I can’t take these mixed signals! Help!
–Ugh.

Ugh,
I don’t think that you and the un-buckin’ bronco are co-existing in a mutual friendship. Bottom line – the boy is using you, and even worse, toying with you. His teasing has gotten to the point where it’s just plain mean. And if his ex is still sittin’ pretty on the side? – well harrumph! Bottom line, either clean up the friendship to a non-naked event or dump it. There are plenty of boys who will not only sleep naked with you, but get frisky too. Meow!
–V

Dear V,
Since moving to Miami, I have made many, many gay male friends whom I love very dearly. We spend a lot of time together, but I am by no means a “fag hag.” The other night one of my gay friends spent the night at my place. I figured that he would crash on the couch, but later that night he came into my room and crawled into bed with me. I was awakened by his roving hands on my body and his lips trying to kiss mine! I was so shocked that I turned over and pretended to sleep, but he still continued to caress me. The next morning I pretended that nothing had happened, but should I continue to let our incident lie low or should I bring it up with him?
–What’s up with boys these days?

What’s up,
Unless your very curious friend happens to lay his hands upon you again (and the chances are he’s very embarrassed about what he did), I would definitely just let it lay low. Save him, yourself, and your friendship the blatant awkwardness of the incident and move on. However, if there is even the slightest bit of sexual tension between the two of you, speak up for heaven’s sake! You deserve to know what’s up, and hopefully he’ll feel comfortable enough around you to tell you his deal.
–V

See you next week, my troubled ones

Please direct all pressing questions and comments to dearv@hotmail.com or to the Dear V box in The Hurricane’s office. All inquiries will be treated with the utmost confidentiality.

September 10, 2004

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The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.