Edge

L&A QUALITY SMACK: “Batman V” on a roll. Hurricane Productions bringing the Rapture to campus? Fannypack smuggle Miami Bass into…Miami!

—————PATRICK BATEMAN IS THE NEW BATMAN———————

In the best bit of casting news since Christian Bale landed Patrick Bateman in “American Psycho,” Christopher Nolan has chosen Christian Bale to be the new Batman. Rumors are abound that the film is, at least partially, set in the dreary confines of London, while an un-cast Scarecrow will cameo as the secondary villain. Since this is not the homoerotic dance party that was 1997’s “Batman & Robin,” there will be no nipples on Batman’s gear. Sorry dudes.

——THE RAPTURE OR DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL? U DECIDE———

No word on whether Hurricane Productions is going to bring the Rapture, who, come late October, will quite possibly – scratch those last two words – be the only band you listen to, to our campus. Download “Killing” or “Echoes” or “Olio” or “Love Is All,” and then em pr@um-hp.com telling them that you’d rather see girls experimenting to the Rapture than skinny guys sniffling to Dashboard Confessional. Put your 2-cents in.

—–TOMMY CHONG GOING TO JAIL FOR…TAKE A GUESS——————

65-year old cult comedian Tommy Chong won’t be getting blazed for at least nine months now: the half-duo of such stoner classics as “Cheech and Chong’s Nice Dreams” got federal jail time and $20,000 in fines for selling bongs and herb-friendly paraphernalia online to undercover D.E.A. agents. When asked by the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel about his thoughts on the feds breaking down on stoners, he jeeringly replied: “I feel pretty bad, but it seems to be the only weapons of mass destruction they’ve found this year.” – Omar Sommereyns

———-THE RIAA SUES POOR HONORS STUDENT, A NEW LOW———–

In more music news, the people at the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) visibly have no heart: currently in the process of suing 261 copyright infringers (for downloading music for free), they targeted 12-year-old Brianna LaHara, an honors student living in a fucking housing project in NYC. She was allegedly downloading TV theme songs and nursery-rhyme hits like, “If You’re Happy And You Know It.” Her mother, Sylvia Torres had to settle in the suit for $2,000 and an admission of wrongdoing-of course, since little Brianna is so, so “evil”… – Omar too

——“AEON FLUX” MOVIE SCRATCHED. JAPANESE KIDS GO BERZERK—

The R-rated live action film version of “Liquid Television” highlight “Aeon Flux” recently had its plug pulled. Not that a cinematic wet dream of such awesomeness would have happened in Hollywood anyway, but it’s worth noting. Just imagining the possibilities is probably making the minds of depressed Japanese high schoolers fold perfectly into concise origami shapes until there’s nothing left but time and space and fashion.

—JOHNNY DEPP’S EYES ARE BLEEDING FOR A REASON——————-

If you didn’t have a chance to waste $6 over the weekend, skip “Once Upon a Time in Mexico.” It’s been, what, eight years since “Desperado,” and all Robert Rodriguez could muster was to put Johnny Depp and Antonio Banderas and Willem Dafoe and Mickey Rourke in front of a shoddy Sony digital camera as dust clouds make the plot even more nonsensical? What a piece of garbage. I’d rather rent “The Karate Dog” with Simon Rex while blasting top-40 Latin music. And back to the casting – why go to all that trouble only to erase such uber-effort by inviting Enrique Iglesias (!) to be an el mariachi? And that are-you-fucking-kidding-me (?) radio-controlled guitar-case bomb? That was lifted from “Death Wish V” – which I can’t believe I’ve seen, but Bronson sure as hell ended his only memorable franchise with more class while walking through such celluloid remnants of once-greatness. Even the locals in the audience were pissed and Salma Hayek’s in it. I’m over it.

——FANNYPACK GO LOOKING FOR CAMEL TOES IN MIAMI————–

My head almost fell off when I walked into the Hurricane’s newly painted Starbucks-meets-beauty salon-in-a-good-way-really-and-we’re-straight office and saw this flyer on the Life & Art desk. Fannypack are specialists in deluxe Miami bass by-way-of-NYC giddiness. They are coming to Soho Lounge on Saturday, September 27. And North Beach’s YoYo boutique is doing a fashion show before it. My head just fell on my keyboard.

——-REST IN PEACE JOHN RITTER AND JOHNNY CASH——————–

Rest in Peace: John Ritter and Johnny Cash.

September 16, 2003

Reporters

The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.