Opinion

Death to flip-flops and long live the closed-toe!

Sometimes if you listen closely, you can hear them off in the distance. It starts off as a low rumbling and then before you know it you’re enveloped in what sounds like a herd of horses clip-clopping along. Clip clop, clip clop. It’s almost like the sound of that heart beating in Edgar Allen Poe’s The Telltale Heart. However, as the sound gets closer you’ll realize it’s not a clip-clopping, but a flip-flopping that’s hurting your ears. Sounds more like a herd of sheep to me.
This is the sound of what is in essence a cheap rubber sandal. Too bad they’re not those Ho Chi Mihn Slippers the Vietcong used to wear during the Vietnam War. Made from old automobile tires, those things were both durable and allowed the wearer to sneak up on a platoon to within ten paces. There was no flip-flopping to be heard. This is not the case at UM where every other person wears flip-flops. Not that I’m an authority on fashion, but come on people – a little imagination in your footwear, please!
The annoying noise they make is one thing, but then there’s also another matter – foot stank. It is a little known fact that flip-flops are the top number one transmutation platform for foot stank. In addition, an even lesser known fact is that the Geneva Convention of 1919 outlawed foot stank, classifying it as a form of chemical warfare. It’s true, look it up. So you see, I’m writing this appeal from a public health standpoint. This may save your life someday! And then there are those people using a cell phone while flip-flopping. Two annoying noises for the price of 350 Anytime Minutes; what a bargain!
I would be remiss if I did not also mention the predilection for many to adorn their bottom in what can only be described as ‘Butt Floss.’ I can see the point of wearing this for aesthetic purposes during, shall we say, a specific activity, but not while walking around so that it’s practically climbing up one’s back. It looks like something’s trying to escape from a pair of pants (and I thought that was only a guy’s problem). Unless of course the purpose is similar to the plume of feathers on a peacock – to attract a mate. Love me, love my floss? Eeek.

Scott Wacholtz is a senior majoring in Political Science. He can be reached at aramis1642@hotmail.com

February 25, 2003

Reporters

The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

After this past University of Miami football game, coach Mark Richt said the crowd came alive during ...

The attorneys for University of Miami men’s basketball coach Jim Larrañaga expect indictments to be ...

Few could have imagined this scenario coming into Saturday’s University of Miami football game at ho ...

Alex Cora’s success hasn’t surprised Miami Hurricanes baseball coach Jim Morris. Cora, according to ...

A six-pack of Canes notes on a Thursday: • Defensive coordinator Manny Diaz has an interesting theor ...

Univeristy of Miami’s Wynwood Art Gallery holds its annual faculty exhibition featuring thought-prov ...

From a game simulating how whales navigate to a tribute to Ella Fitzgerald, the U showcased some of ...

A new mobile game called Blues and Reds, now available worldwide, aims to help researchers study int ...

A major Lancet Commission report, a three-year project headed by UM’s Professor Felicia Knaul and co ...

With a $6.8 million NIH grant, the UM School of Nursing and Health Studies and FIU Robert Stempel Co ...

Behind a historic performance from senior Olga Strantzali, the University of Miami volleyball team b ...

Thirty years ago, the 1987 Hurricanes achieved perfection. This weekend they are back where it all b ...

As a Hurricane Club member, you are invited to participate in the 25th Annual University of Miami Ha ...

The Miami women's tennis team opened play Friday at the ITA Southeast Regional Championships Pr ...

The Miami soccer team will conclude its 2017 home slate Sunday against Notre Dame and recognize its ...

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.